:: The S.I.C.L.E. Cell ::

:: Saturday, October 30, 2004 ::

Extreme Makeovers...

:: ashli 4:04 PM # ::
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I know someone who had a difficult pregnancy last time around. Lots of bedrest. We'll call her "Amy". Amy's baby is almost two years old now, and Amy's in the middle of a messy divorce. It's a typical Jerry Springer situation: the husband cheated on the wife and then the wife cheated on the husband. Only... she got pregnant. D'oh!

She wants to work her marriage out, but the husband isn't having it. She doesn't have a college education or a good job or even a job at all. She's out of work, going through an unwanted divorce and pregnant with a 1-year-old in tow... and don't forget the very real possibility that this gal is going to be put on bedrest at some point in the pregnancy.

Abortion started lookin' mighty tempting. How could it not? Amy is in a fix and has been told abortion is the answer. She talked to her mother about it. Her mother, who aborted a child, didn't want to sway Amy either way but did tell her that since the abortion her body has never been the same.

Amy's best friend, who also didn't want to sway her either way, told her that she would support any decision but confided that she believed Amy wouldn't be able to live with abortion. Amy, a girl in a very difficult situation, decided that she would not abort her baby but would hang in there against all odds.

She told me, "I thought about it a lot, and I figured... if I aborted, there's a chance I could regret that someday. But if I didn't, no matter what trouble comes my way, I know that I'll never regret my child. So I decided I'd rather regret trouble because you can get out of trouble, but you can't un-abort your baby."

I was speechless. I know Harvard grads who can't figure out what this uneducated welfare mother instinctively knows. Her accuracy floored me. It occurred to me that this was not rocket science but common, common sense. I was filled with hope and encouraged by her gutsy approach. I saw, not some country bumpkin having another baby and sapping the system dry... but a woman taking responsibility for her actions, holding herself accountable, and being uncompromisingly strong. Her bottom line read: "I don't know how I'm going to do it. I just know I can." And she will.

Amy is taking on the world. She is afraid but standing her ground. Courageous! Heroic! The gal o' the hour here at the Cell! She is woman, and I'm surprised this whole county didn't hear her roar.

Hey, girl! This blog's for you!

:: ashli 8:43 AM # ::
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Evidently John Kerry thinks that cutting off limbs, ears and heads is uncool. The documentary is free, streaming video and FASCINATING. Even if you could give a rip about the upcoming election or even politics in general, the film reads as a piece straight from the History Channel. These are the personal stories of people who have been there and suffered first hand.

As they recount horrific stories of torture so excruciating that it lead them to act contrary to their will... as they speak of the disgusting reaction of the very people they were trying to protect and spare... I feet, on many levels, a certain kinship.

This isn' at all to say that aborting my child because of torture and neglect qualifies me as a Vietnam Vet. It isn't to say that being ostracized by the very women that I'm trying to protect amounts to sacrificing a body part for people who want to spit in my eye.

I simply feel something relative regarding the spirit of the suffering expressed and the indignity that has been unjustly coupled to it. And even though the liberal media tries to stifle these dear men, I am glad they have a voice in this world. God save those who do not.

:: ashli 10:38 PM # ::
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Go here and click on "Watch The Video".

The video is kind of hokey, but the morphs are really cool and make the point of how important a single life is. I wasn't really prepared for the sweet imagery at the very end. There was something haunting about watching all the children appear like that. It was a very visual way to express that whole "empty playgrounds" phenomena that Norma McCorvey (formerly "Jane Roe") talks about. Kind of made me well up a little.

I'd like to hear some cool rockers write some songs for change instead of songs for "choice". Wouldn't it be great if the Cure wrote a "pro-life" song? Instead we've got Pat Boone. God love him, but someone has GOT to update the anti-abortion image. I don't mean to offend, but aren't there any popular musicians who care about women and children properly?

:: ashli 4:51 PM # ::
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A little more on this woman...

Someone in the know writes:

"She got pregnant again, and again, testing showed that the fetus had cystic fibrosis. This time she let the baby live, because she knew how much killing her first child had hurt and how wrong it had been. So what she learned from aborting her first daughter saved her second daughter.

It all makes me wonder what kind of "counseling" she got in the first place.
Two of my friends died from CF, one at age 24, the other at 27. The 27-year-old, at the time of his death, had been the oldest CF survivor to date. Now it's not unusual at all for them to live into their 30's. My friend [name omitted] was a NICU mom -- one of the other NICU moms at that hospital was the first CF patient to have a baby after a heart/lung transplant. So what did the "counselors" tell that woman about CF? In what way did those counselors denegrate the lives of my friends, and other people like them, to scare that woman into an abortion?"

I just can't highlight this case enough. It's another boon of evidence. Here is a direct link to the very heartbreaking photos of the woman and her child. Take a good look. This kid would have more than likely lived to her 30's. Maybe longer with new technology.

She should have:

seen a sunset
tasted chocolate
smelled a puppy's breath
hugged a teddybear
laughed at a joke
blown out birthday candles
had a first kiss
danced
hummed a happy tune
experienced love.

1. She didn't have a choice.
2. No one has the right to do this.

:: ashli 9:16 AM # ::
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When A Phone Call Changes Your Life...

I'm "Downi" with this!

:: ashli 12:36 PM # ::
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I hear that Gardner is dying. I want to be sad for the man, but I know what he does and I think he's a terrible human being. Forget the Boogeyman; at night I'm scared this guy is in my closet. I am not sad for Saddam and I am not sad for Gardner. I pray for him quickly before I have time to think about what I'm saying. If I thought about it I'm not sure I could bring myself to do it. If I were the mother of a child who was killed by drugs, I don't think I would feel sad to hear that a pusher got cancer. I am the mother of a child who was killed by abortion. I feel hurt and angry about Gardner's "religious" involvement in killing children. I am trying very hard not to feel glad that someone who has hurt and deceived so many people is facing his own suffering and mortality. As I think of all the women who will die of cancer because he told them Jesus supported their choice to kill their children... well, I can not muster sorrow for his ailment. I just can't right now.

I will try again tomorrow.

:: ashli 2:29 AM # ::
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Thanks to the ar-teest who sent this.



Gardner makes quite an impression.

:: ashli 11:33 AM # ::
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Dear, dear God in heaven!!!

Take a good look at her little face; it is the face of "choice".

And this is the face of pure evil.

(Thanks to Aa.)

:: ashli 9:53 PM # ::
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Doctors are often wrong.

:: ashli 9:30 PM # ::
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I thought this article was rad. If you don't have time to read all of it, here are the bullets:

* Three out of five pregnant African-American women will abort their child.

* An estimated 1,452 African-American children are killed each day by the heinous act of abortion.

* Between 1882 and 1968, three thousand, four hundred forty-six blacks were lynched in the United States - a number surpassed in less than three days by abortion.

* Approximately one-third of all abortions are performed on black women (who only make up 12.7% of the U.S. population).

"Like a boil that can never be cured so long as it is covered up but must be opened with all its ugliness to the natural medicines of air and light, injustice must be exposed, with all the tension its exposure creates, to the light of human conscience and the air of national opinion before it can be cured." ~Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

"The murder of my son has shown me that what happens to any of us, anywhere in the world, had better be the business of us all." ~Mamie Bradley (Emmett Till's mother)

Tell a friend.

:: ashli 11:09 PM # ::
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Annie Ba-nanny does some myth busting at After Abortion.

:: ashli 7:49 AM # ::
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Your blood will BOIL.

(Remember: The NAF and John Kerry swing the same way on abortion. I.e., they both support partial birth abortion, neither think Conner Peterson was a person, and neither think parental consent is necessary.)

:: ashli 7:37 AM # ::
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Found in the Orlando Sentinal:
by Nancy M. Shelton
My Word Posted October 17, 2004

"I'm worried about the impact of the right-to-life issue on thepresidential election. At my parish, St. Joseph's Catholic Church in Orlando, the weekly bulletin from Oct. 3 concluded with a disturbing sidebar. The piece described a September incident in Steubenville, Ohio, when at least 500 citizens, including nuns in full habit, turned out to protest a John Kerry appearance. Some carried signs reading: "You can't be Catholic and Pro-Abortion." In addition, it's been well publicized that church leaders decreed that Catholics who vote for Kerry cannot in good conscience receive the sacrament of communion. At the risk of being labeled what our pastor calls a "delicatessen Catholic," or one who follows only the sections of holy doctrine that suit me, I disagree with the church on this issue.

There is an important distinction to be made between a pro-abortion stance and a position that supports a woman's right to choose. Voting for the candidate who is most likely to maintain the laws that preserve the legality of abortion is not the same thing as advocating abortion. The fact is, like narcotic use and prostitution, pregnancies will continue to be terminated whether or not it's legal to do so. What will be accomplished by rendering abortion illegal is that it will become more expensive, more dangerous, and more difficult to obtain. It will not cease to exist. Like so many other examples of what passes for justice in this country, the very population that is least able to afford abortion, but needs it most, will be hardest hit by rendering the practice illegal. Teenagers incapable of raising children, the uneducated and the indigent not only have no money, they have no contacts in the medical professionand no ability to travel outside the United States to a country where the practice is legal. These women, many of whom become pregnant because they're caught in the unrelenting cycle of impoverishment and ignorance, will be forced to seek back-alley remedies to end their unplanned pregnancies. Or they'll have their babies. More unwanted children will be born -- children whose lives will be characterized by the sad knowledgeof being unwelcome, children who will be plagued by hunger, inadequate housing, neglect, and physical, mental and sexual abuse, if they're not abandoned in the first place. How many more babies will be found in Dumpsters; will they be dead or alive; and which is worse?

Somehow, the seamless web of life seems less glorious when compared tothe pitiless prison of deprivation. I don't believe in abortion. I believe in God. Abortion is a medical procedure, not a spiritual creed. To be safe and reasonably obtainable, it must be administered by professionals, not criminals. Nor should politicians interfere in this most personal female decision.

Furthermore, the church ought to recognize that the legal status of abortion is a matter of secular law and trust that just because apractice is legal doesn't mean that conscientious women, Christians or otherwise, will indulge in it.

Nancy M. Shelton

(Nancy M. Shelton is the advancement writer for Rollins College in WinterPark.)"

OK, I got hung up on one single line, though there are so many more lines to get hung up on and so many good answers to these arguments pseudo-intellectual Nancy proposes. So please, please write the paper with your responses.

Uncharacteristically, I chose to respond on the religious end. There needs to be a response re: the other charges about poverty, back alley abortions, and unwantedness. Stats are always good, so you statmongers respond with numbers from other countries where abortion was outlawed, will you? I know they exist and those numbers are positively revealing, but I don't currently have time to dig them up. You sidewalk counselors write and talk about the scads of upper-middle class folks who roll up in their 2004 BMW's to abort. Etc. Write me with your letters and I'll post them. If no one writes I'll post a rant and make you all feel bad for not writing! That'll learn ya.

Here is my response:

"In an October 17 letter a professing Catholic (Nancy M. Shelton) says:

'There is an important distinction to be made between a pro-abortion stance and a position that supports a woman's right to choose.'

There may be an intellectual distinction, but there is no distinction whatsoever to the broken child at the bottom of a belljar. As a mother who traveled to Orlando to abort a child in the second trimester due to a debilitating maternal disease, I can tell you that I regret aborting and that abortion, for any reason, kills an innocent child.

In an evolved society killing children should never be an acceptable solution to our problems. Most often there are positive options but women are failed by boyfriends, parents, society and particularly religion. Instead of following Christ's example to come to the aid of our fellows, we follow the cultural example of abandoning women to abortion.

You can not follow both Christ and man. You have to make a choice. The choice is between good or evil, ethic or unethic, life or death. Professing Christians who vote for Kerry have exercised their right to choose, and that choice is anti-life and anti-Christ no matter how they spin it.

No, you can not follow Christ and endorse the abortion deaths of 4,500 American children every single day."

I didn't do a great job. I rushed it. I don't have time for this. (But how could I not have time for this?) I'm neglecting my living children even to do this much. And really... I have to go now!

:: ashli 9:42 AM # ::
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More "failed abortions" (read: "human beings who survived abortion") at After Abortion. (Thanks, Christina.)

:: ashli 9:17 PM # ::
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Aw, this is just for fun...

My oldest friend wrote:

"What do you think about the debates/election so far? I just watched the 3rd debate and for the first time, think Kerry has a very real chance of winning. Perhaps our views on a few critical issues differ, but I think most things being equal, the country needs to move on. Kerry can accomplish that."

Tee hee.

Of course I had much to say. Notice how I efficiently stole from my own blog to get my point across and preserve my indolence:

"hey! i think bush's answers to some of kerry's lame-arse charges sucked a big fat butt.
i mean, where IS bush's FACT man, for crying out loud???

i have to say, since you asked, that i loathe (with a seething passion) kerry. but this is only because he is a child-murdering, woman-wounding lunatic. besides that... he's an ok guy!

he voted for partial birth abortion a whopping SIX times. at the 2nd debate he said, "it's not as simple as you'd make it out to be, bush. there needs to be a health exception." bush idiotically answered, "you're either for it or against it... pretty simple to me." EHHH! wrong answer, jobbernowl! what he SHOULD have said was:

"Mr. Kerry, you're not telling the American people that the American Medical Association, which supports abortion, says PBA is NEVER medically necessary. A C-section can be performed that far along to preserve both the mother and child's health. Mothers deserve to have their health and their children and should not have to choose between one or the other. I want to ensure a woman's right to both."

kerry also voted against the Laci Peterson Law. he thinks 8 or 9 month old conner peterson was not a person. he thinks traci marciniak's son, zach, was not a person too. take a look for yourself.

do you know that her husband only got convicted for spousal abuse? can you imagine what kind of slap-on-the-wrist sentence he got? holy mackeral! if kerry thinks a woman ought to have a "choice" then he ought to better support women who choose to have their child. and i don't want to hear that it threatens roe v. wade. california is one of the most abortion-worshipping states in america (abortion was legal there before roe v. wade) and even THEY recognize conner peterson (and those like him) under the law. you don't see this "turning back the hands of time" and affecting roe v. wade one bit. so there's simply no excuse. none at all.

i think kerry is dangerous and INSANE on the parental consent issue as well. hello, you can't get an aspirin at school without parental consent, but you can get a second trimester abortion? WHAT THE? and that's REAL good news in states like florida where there are more health regulations mandated for veterinary clinics than late-term abortion facilities! oh yeah. don't even get me started on the women's health and safety act, because then i'll have to lambast king who, once he saw it would pass, withdrew it from the vote. (i testified before the florida house on this myriad times. it passed every time. the curmudgeon just would NOT let it get to the senate.) now, back to kerry... rant, rant, rant... he brought up the lame-arse argument: "i wouldn't require a teen raped by her father to ask her father for permission for an abortion." i don't even think bush had a response. that doesn't mean their wasn't one. that just means bush is disappointingly pseudo-passionate about this issue. HE SHOULD HAVE SAID:

"Mr. Kerry, the kind of case you're talking about accounts for less than two percent of all abortions. Over ninety-three percent of abortions are performed electively. It is neither economical nor rational to abandon over ninety-three percent of teens to bad law for the benefit of less than two percent. Additionally, in the only studies on the subject of abortion for incest, most moms wanted to keep their children because they felt that it was the only chance of: a) escaping the abuse and/or b) having any semblance of a normal relationship with a family member, i.e., someone who would love the abused person without wanting sex from them (or covering up crimes against them). Lastly, you wouldn't have to worry about a girl in this situation asking her rapist father for permission to abort. As in so many of these cases, he would be the one driving her to the clinic to abort whether she liked it or not. He would not want his crime exposed and would seek to get rid of the evidence so that he could continue the abuse. Abortion in these cases perpetuates child abuse. Women deserve better. I seek to expose this abuse and protect ALL of our young American girls. Not just two percent of them."

every time kerry answered someone on the abortion issue, notice that he had a stock "as a catholic i respect the spirit in which you ask this question..." let me tell you how MUCH kerry respects the spirit of a citizen's abortion concerns, mooncalfed liar that he is...

my friend rebecca porter went to one of his rallies to protest abortion silently. the way she did this was to hold a placard which read "my abortion hurt me." wow. DANGEROUS. no wonder kerry's cronies were totally alarmed (sarcasm here). they manhandled her (she held on tight, but they ripped her sign out of her hands right in front of kerry), stole her property (illegal), vandalized it (by ripping it up-also illegal), and threw it back in her face. this made the underground media junket (because violent liberal "choicers" NEVER make the liberal media) and was brought to the attention of kerry who chose not to respond. (good grief, even the painter's union was smart enough and decent enough to respond compassionately to the victimized, 30-yr-old sophia parlock!)

'twould have been ok (not really) were it an isolated incident, but this type of intimidation was repeated at other locations. the rights of grieving/protesting women who showed up were completely violated and unapologetically so. so i can tell you that kerry does NOT respect the concerns of those who oppose or are hurt by abortion in the least. his "respect" is a big fat lie. and as an aside, abortion causes breast cancer in women. how can a person claim to be for women if they support a thing that victimizes women exclusively? and yes, legally he supports it.

also, he hangs out with the most fringe abortion groups ever... groups that are FOR partial birth abortion (NARAL), which most "pro-choice" americans don't even support. kerry makes these nut-groups promises such as his supreme court litmus test vow: he will never appoint a judge who is personally pro-life. i want to know why he is trying to convince the nation that he is not going to legislate from the hot seat, but tells the country that he won't appoint a "personally pro-life" judge. HELLO, what is he saying? another red flag.

either the guy is not really against abortion or he isn't really catholic. i hate to bring spirituality up and all, but when you serve Christ HE COMES FIRST. not your own thoughts or desires or perceptions but Christ's. re: the presidency... if you work for Christ then you work for Him first, your country second, yourself last. were kerry really a Christian he would do everything in his power to legally, respectfully, protect innocent children. some people say the Bible isn't clear on abortion, but it is UBER clear. many many passages reference the importance of children, how they do not belong to us (or even themselves), how they are blessings and gifts from God created by God. the Bible is also very clear on how we are to respond to innocent people being lead away to death. It is also very clear on our responsibility to those forsaken by their parents, which children who are aborted most certainly are.

personally, i've seen enough re: how kerry operates to opine that he is lying on both counts. he is NOT personally against abortion and he does NOT follow Christ. no one is perfect for pity's sake, but accidentally cussing when you stub your toe and voting for partial birth abortion SIX TIMES are two entirely different things.

and don't get me started on the war... he's against that, and our wonderful, tremendous, sacrificing soldiers all VOLUNTEERED! but he's FOR abortion, for which no child has ever volunteered. and more americans (4,500) die every day in abortion than have died in this war in over a year.

i have no hangups re: tolerance either... because anything can be taken too far, and respecting differences certainly has been taken to irrational limits. everyone really knows that there's a fine line between tolerance and sheer stupidity. anyone who talks of tolerating someone's belief that innocent american kids are biological fodder for the garbage disposal should be asked if they would sit down to lunch with a kkk member or timothy mcveigh just because that person was nice in every other way. i mean REALLY... can you see yourself sitting down to dine with arthur henderson or james mckinney (matt shepherd's malevolent killers) because you're a nice liberal who respects and tolerates all personal beliefs?

and let me just outline this in scarlet neon: kerry is AGAINST gay marriage but FOR birthing a late-term baby up to his head and then aspirating his brain while his tiny little body writhes in pain. the guy thinks gay marriage is worse than that and so takes a stand. go suck on a general foods international coffee and think about that for a minute or two.

my opinion:

kerry is a flipping monster, and if he wins the presidency it will be a horrific day for american women and children. and don't even get me started on edwards. can you see kerry getting assinated and leaving that inexperienced rakehel in the hotseat??? shudder.

love and partisan gnomes,
me"

Can you say, "Sorry he asked"?

:: ashli 6:04 PM # ::
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Slightly off topic but not entirely...

Her parents have her best interest at heart. The evidence against her husband is overwhelming. The bottom line: she is not in a persistent vegetative state. This means it is illegal to withdraw her care.

Like a passel of greased pigs we are slipping down the slope.

(Go here and click on "Swab test" under videos.)

:: ashli 10:37 AM # ::
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Thanks to After Abortion for this.

:: ashli 6:27 PM # ::
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I'm a single-issue Florida voter totally swinging this way.

(I am also voting YES on amendment 1.)

:: ashli 10:32 PM # ::
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Christopher Reeve dies and an article has this to say:

"He used his Hollywood fame to win attention and funding for scientific study of disabilities like his and to lobby for looser restrictions on stem-cell research.

'I consider myself a spokesman for people who can't call the president or a senator or testify before Congress,' Reeve said in a 1998 interview with The Associated Press."

A spokesman for people who can't call the president or a senator or testify before Congress? What, like all the children whose lives he was eager and willing to exchange for a cure?

What happened to Reeve was a tragedy, but deeming the lives of others as less important than his own (and advocating their sacrifice) only compounds the woe of it all. And there is nothing heroic or courageous about that.

:: ashli 10:09 PM # ::
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I have just been jolted from sleep by a terrible dream. (Timestamp correct for once.)

I was in an abortion clinic with a friend. This friend I did not know but our concern for women and children was the core of our commonality. We were there as open operatives, as ambassadors of life to bear witness as women bore their late-term dead. Any other reason why we were there was not clear. Our task felt as hopeless as posting "Missing" pictures of loved ones outside smoldering stumps of the WCT on September 11th.

My friend was in a corner next to a box of clinic literature unable to move citing that it was not the clinic where she lost her child but that it brought everything back even still. She confessed to an already knowing staff that we were not on their side and that she probably would not be able to bring herself to the place ever again. They replied that they knew, which was why it was extra important that they convince us that what they were doing was reasonable, purposeful and valuable.

As the clinic worker's trade show speil went on, another staff member endeavored feverishly in front of a computer screen digging up black and white mugshots. My pseudo decorum slipping, I made some comment about their "mill". I corrected myself saying "abortion business" but never "clinic". Visibly annoyed the staff member mumbled something about the mugshots and suggested that if I was really pissed off I would take some sort of course of action or another which would end with driving by and flipping off the clinic. I can't recall what the suggestion was, but I do recall it being not only innocuous and ineffective but also somehow so twisted that it ended up actually benefitting the clinic financially.

Another staff member leaned over to the other and spoke of a "one-pounder" as she passed by. The child was dead, the comment was nonchalant. It was a proud moment for the staff member who had been talking to me, and she took the opportunity to show me a variety of novelty "baby items" that were placed with the dead: a rattle, a small nursery lamp... These items were not real but were made of colored veneer over several layers of pressed and bonded cardboard, like thick puzzle pieces a toddler would play with. The items were meaninigless in themselves but were meant to exhibit how "compassionate" this particular abortion business was. These were third-rate burial fare fit for the flame of cremation.

Such works would go through the fire and be burned up.

As my troubled friend rocked in the corner of the clinic storage room I eyed the waiting mothers, mostly young college girls and teens, who waited for their turns. Their bellies were huge. Some of them brought their other children. One woman with three children sat with her husband. They were Spanish-speaking and her oldest daughter, approximately 8-years-old kept wailing "Baby! Baby!" but her mother's ears were deaf to the plea.

In the background an infant's cry went up. I could no longer contain myself as I shouted for all to hear, "A baby survived! A little one made it! By law you can not kill the child now! AND YOU MUST DO SOMETHING TO SAVE THE CHILD OR YOU WILL BE PROSECUTED!" The staff worker was confused and shaken, not having been prepared for this business blunder. I directed her saying, "I will take the child! No matter how misshapen or sick! I WILL TAKE THE BABY!"

A miffed staffworker disgustedly confirmed, "You will take the baby?"

"YES!" was my urgent reply.

She went to inform the abortionist. I peered down the hallway after her and saw an open door. Inside I could see a huge room with corrugated metal walls. The "procedure room" resembled a giant airplane hanger with several women lined up on soft pallets on the floor. One with shoulder-length wavy blonde hair was the mother of the screaming infant. No abortionist was visible, only the staff worker who was holding the baby in her hands. I was not concerned about prematurity or CP as this child was shockingly, very nearly full term (and perfectly healthy). I could see the bloody cord dangling between his kicking legs and his young pierced and tattooed father beaming in spite of what he and his galpal had been there to do. His proud face told me that I would not be taking this child home. I saw the staff worker close the lid on the empty metal trash can.

The waiting room was in a frenzy. Of the live birth one clinic worker remarked, "This is terrible!" The waiting mothers cried but were all glued to their seats. Their decisions, though unimaginably gruesome and heartbreaking, had already been made.

I grabbed the hand of my unraveling friend and headed out the door. Standing on the sidewalk I noticed the tall buildings all around us. The red-bricked edifices with their unending windows told me this was a legitimate medical complex. I turned around to face the ward we had just exited: it looked exactly like the rest. The charnel house had been mainstreamed into medicine. I resolved to return the next day to stand on the sidewalk ever after to warn the women as they took their helpless children inside.
----------------------------------

I woke up and the room spun. My heart was racing and I wanted to scream or to cry, but nothing came. I wanted to wake my sleeping husband and burden him with our loss (or punch him in the face) but I didn't. Instead I came here to the cell where I'm an inmate for life.

:: ashli 7:56 AM # ::
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I'm voting for Bush. That being said, I think his civil rights-related arguments sucked a big butt. I mean, WHERE IS THIS GUY'S FACT MAN???

Kerry: Yes, I voted for partial birth abortion, but it's not that simple. I don't like it, but there has to be a health exception.

Bush: It is that simple. Either you're for it or you're against it. Pretty simple to me.

Well, that statement made Bush look like he didn't give a rat's pink puckered toot hole about sick women. What he should have said was:

Bush: Ah, but you're not telling the American people that the American Medical Association, which supports abortion, says PBA is NEVER medically necessary. A C-section can be performed that far along to preserve both the mother and child's health. Mothers deserve to have their health and their children and should not have to choose between one or the other. I want to ensure a woman's right to both.

Here's another suck-a-roo:

Kerry: I'm against parental consent because I wouldn't ask a pregnant teen, raped by her father, to seek his permission to abort his child.

I don't believe Bush responded directly to that at all. What he should have said:

Bush: First, the kind of case you're talking about accounts for less than two percent of all abortions. Over ninety-three percent of abortions are performed electively. It is neither economical nor rational to abandon over ninety-three percent of teens to bad law for the benefit of less than two percent. Additionally, in the only studies on the subject of abortion for incest, most moms wanted to keep their children because they felt that it was the only chance of: a) escaping the abuse and/or b) having any semblance of a normal relationship with a family member, i.e., someone who would love the abused person without wanting sex from them (or covering up crimes against them). Lastly, you wouldn't have to worry about a girl in this situation asking her rapist father for permission to abort. As in so many of these cases, he would be the one driving her to the clinic to abort whether she liked it or not. He would not want his crime exposed and would seek to get rid of the evidence so that he could continue the abuse. Abortion in these cases perpetuates child abuse. Women deserve better. I seek to expose this abuse and protect ALL of our young American girls. Not just two percent of them.

Why oh why won't someone tell the prez how to educate this country on abortion, a topic he claims to be deeply concerned about? Even if he DIDN'T get the presidency again, he could take these debates as a massive opportunity to give the American people something to actually think about. It makes me wonder that perhaps the president is against abortion without thinking. While it may be that clear to people fortunate enough to have such morals, many of us aren't so lucky, and killing a child seems as reasonable as abortion supporters have led us to believe. We need not only someone who will rail against the status quo but also someone who can explain why abortion is not the answer.

On the flip side, President Bush gets five points for mentioning the Dred Scott case.

(See how I ended on a positive note? Five points for me!)

:: ashli 6:11 PM # ::
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I keep harkening back to this post. The topic of being a "good mother" after abortion fascinates me. Typically abortion doesn't make you feel good about yourself as a person, a woman or especially a mother.

People who love and care for you, those who see the good in you, try to convince you that yes, you can compartmentalize abortion; you can abort and still be a "good" mother. Post-abortion groups try to do the same thing when you have expressed true sorrow (and therefore regret). They tell you the truth: Christ forgives you and you are made new; the crimson of your tremendous wrongdoing has been bleached white by the massive sacrifice of the Lord Whose mercy endures forever. This is good to know, and yet...

If Andrea Yates, Susan Smith and brain-bashing mama Dee Laney apologized, were set free, and had ten children each that they were "extra-specially" good to, do you think that you or anyone else would ever truly be able to think of them as good mothers?

When I don't feel like a good mother (because of the grisley heaping helping of death I offered to my second trimester first baby) it is seen as self-punative, as guilt-induced self-flagellation. I contend that it has less to do with a desire to "punish" myself and more to do with the nature of things. God says He forgives but He also says you reap what you sow... and no pun intended, but this SICLE mom has done some reaping.

I strive to be a mother of excellence and I always will. My children deserve it. But somewhere deep in my heart I know that I am not a "good mother", that I never really can be because of what I chose to do with one five-minute allotment of my life. Calling me a "good mother" because of my work with the children who survived my hand would be like calling O.J. Simpson a good husband in any subsequent marriage.

And this only serves as yet another illustration of why abortion is not an easy, ephemeral or escapable thing. Ultimately, abortion is very, very bad for us all.

:: ashli 8:52 AM # ::
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VP Cheney administers a sound spanking to inexperienced blatherer Edwards and liberal media gushes "It's A Draw!" Yeah, and the Civil War was civil. Gimmie a flipping break.

Did anyone catch Edwards' Id-Skid when he said "We're going to put criminals behind crime!"? It was the most accurate, honest thing he said all night, and don't these guys know it!

"Give us the power..." says he. Geezum crow, people.

Perish the thought that Kerry gets the presidency, but can you see him getting assasinated and leaving Edwards in the hot seat for the country?

Uh, Idon'tthinkso.

:: ashli 5:16 PM # ::
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Today's Sidewalk Talk is kind of long but worth it.
Excerpted from Patte's journal:

"Arnold Palmer Hospital
Wednesday, 29 September, 2004
We were given a tour of the Neo-Natal Intensive Care Unit at Arnold Palmer Hospital. We saw extremely premature infants who were being cared for with the use of high tech machinery and skilled nurses and doctors. "Robbie" was born a month ago. Delivered at 23 weeks gestation (full term is 40 weeks), this little guy weighed only one pound. Robbie is a beautiful baby with a head of dark hair and the cutest little face. We couldn't help but remember that abortion is legal through all nine months of pregnancy in the state of Florida. Up through 24 weeks of pregnancy women are free to kill the babies in their womb for no reason at all, and although there are statutes that reflect restrictions on abortions from 25 weeks and beyond, Orlando Women's Center finds ways around the law; the abortionist is left to monitor himself, leaving the fox to mind the hen house. I have personally witnessed full term abortions on healthy moms and babies. We all marveled that we would be counseling abortion-bound women carrying infants just like little Robbie right after we left the hospital.

God says:
'Get up and get dressed. Go out and tell them whatever I tell you to say. Don't be afraid of them...For I am with you.' (Jeremiah 1:18-19)

Orlando Women's Center abortion clinic
Tuesday, 28 September, 2004
A 17-year-old hispanic girl named "Wanda" came to abort with her mom. She was examined and found to be 20 weeks pregnant, which means that she must have a labor-and-delivery abortion. Wanda's mom is putting a lot of pressure on her daughter to kill the baby. Wanda herself wants to go to school to become a medical secretary and she feels that this pregnancy is "in the way" of her plans. Wanda's mom is often the caregiver for Wanda's 3-year-old and doesn't want to handle more. One of us offered to babysit Wanda's children for her and also suggested that Wanda think about adoption. Thankfully Wanda didn't show up for the abortion.

Orland Women's Center abortion clinic
Thursday, 30 September, 2004
Late term abortion day
We brought the mobile unit and offered ultrasound to the 20 aborting women. Mark performed three ultrasounds. All of them decided not to abort.

'Clips' of our day:
By7am, 28 women and men were waiting at the abortion clinic door.

* Janet *, a local 'preacher', leads the prayer ministry at her church. She was wearing a "What Would Jesus Do" T-shirt,which had a big picture of Jesus on it. Why was she at the abortion clinic? Janet was killing a child for the second time. Although I spoke truth and life to Janet, she waved me off, saying: 'I've already prayed about this.' After she killed her second baby, we had a powerful time sharing the true gospelwith her. She had never heard the gospel preached through the Law of God before. Her mouth was stopped, she was caught in her sin and she realized her lost condition and her need for a Savior for the first time in her life. Janet wanted me to meet her pastor and invited me to her church.

*George* sauntered up to the clinic doors with his lover * Luanne * who was pregnant with his child. George saw that we had brought our mobile unit and asked: "Do you have porn in there?" He repeated this question throughout the morning.

*Dora and Sylvester* brought both of their children with them as they tried to make an appointment to kill yet another child.They had aborted a baby a year ago. Mark did an ultrasound and Dora got to see her little one. When Mark put his hand on Dora's shoulder and asked her: "Do you really want this abortion?" she broke down in tears. Sylvester tried to comfort her, assuring Dora that they didn't have to abort this one.

*Hassan* brought an acquaintence named * Sheila * to murder her baby. A serious Muslim from Morrocco, Hassan admitted that the Koran forbids the shedding of innocent blood. Hassan explained: "When I come to America, I don't want people to think I am a bad, crazy Muslim. I want them to know that I am a good guy. When Sheila asked me to take her to the abortion clinic, how could I say no?"

*Mimi* is 35, from Ecudor and has two children. She isseparated from her husband. Her lover (and the father of this child) is abusive. Mark invited her to have an ultrasound and she readily agreed. Mimi saw her little baby and after nearly an hour of counseling inside the mobile unit, Mimi decided to trust God and have her baby. We sent her right over to Dr. Fernandes in Kissimmee so that she could establish him as her obstetrician. Mimi is early in her pregnancy and really needs some Christian buds (in the Sand Lake area) who speak Spanish. She is strongly considering adoption at this time.

*I showed the graphic abortion film (on our portable DVD player) separately to both *James and Rachel*. They had accompanied women to the clinic. Although they were both shocked at the brutality and bloodbath of abortion, neither one of them made any attempt to convince their friends not to abort.

A lot of the women showing up today cited their reason for late term abortion as being "I just don't want more kids," and half of them have aborted before.

Get ready to flip your wig...
This is Orlando. One of the clinic employees plays worship music on her way to the clinic.The staff nurse practitioner is a member of a Baptist church. One of the abortionists goes to church and has been attending a weekly bible study for over 10 years. Another veteran abortionist, Emil Felski, has been seen regularly attending Northland Church. He greets us with his middle finger each week. I remember meeting two sisters who'd come for abortion (not their first). Their 40-year-old mom (who told her girls that she would have an abortion if she was to get pregnant) met her live-in boyfriend at the Northland singles group. They go to Northland every week. This is the state of the church today.

When was the last time you heard the words 'abortion' and 'sin' used in the same sentence in a sermon by your pastor? With 20,000 women and men murdering their infants each year in our city, don't you think that it should be mentioned regularly in the church? How many couples are living together in your church? How many are sleeping with the person they're dating? Do you know that I have heard of people who are shacking up participating in mission trips? Isn't that a shame?

We talk to women and men from all over the world: Morocco, Brazil, Haiti, Guatamala, Mexico, Equador, etc. We have an international mission field right here at the Orlando Women's Center abortion clinic."

:: ashli 10:00 AM # ::
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Last night as my husband was digging a weeks-old glass splinter out of my foot (for the umpteenth time) he was heard to say:

"How come you always let things stay in you so long before getting them out?"

Taken out of context, it's innocent little soundbites like these that haunt me.

:: ashli 11:42 AM # ::
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Some of you more self abusive readers, who have been following this blog from its inception, know that my parents (technically custodial grandparents) both died of cancer within four years of eachother. So I was orphaned at 25. Boo hoo.

I had kind of a cruddy upbringing until my grandparents got custody (understatement), and as normal, loving parents they meant the absolute world to me. When they died I was crushed. Kee-rushed. I remember sitting at my mother's funeral doubled over the entire time with my head between my legs sobbing and hiding from the world and what was happening. A few months later I got HG and ultimately ended up here on this blog sucking eggs.

Lately, I've been noticing my growing dissatisfaction with my parents. I am not happy about this and that and at times am even angry. I find myself almost abandoning them, disowning them. I become detached. I decide that I don't like them really, that it was all a dream and that I'm really better off without them in my life.

And then I sit down at the desk and see my dad's picture staring back at me. At once I recall smoke rings and treasure hunts and baritone flossing. I recall a joyful soul who let me drive when I was too little, took me fly fishing, and helped me find my lost cat when all hope was gone. I see him at suppertime polishing off butterpeas cooked lovingly by Mom who always smelled like Rosemilk and had the best hairbrush.

Her hands traced an outline of my face before goodnight kisses. She tucked me in and loved me. We went shopping together. She knitted me sweaters. She made ice cream out of snow.

In college I told her we would hang out on Friday night, that I would make dinner, that we would play Boggle and giggle until midnight. But I didn't. I never did. I was a university student with boyfriends and "better" things to occupy my time. I grew up and away. She took the abuse. It killed her but she never said a word. Time passed, cancer came, she dissolved into history. Her rainbow fades into the grey. Who needs rainbows.

I go into the kitchen and Mom's recipe is written on a paper cat. At the bottom of the card she says, "If you ever get stuck you can always call on me." If I ever get stuck...

I choke on emotion and drown completely. The chord is struck. Tears begin to well. I'm helpless; my parents are gone. I shove my fists into my pockets and tell myself I'm better off without them. I'm not and I know it, but what else can I do?

SICLE moms who weep and mourn and claim no regret... for a fleeting moment I understand that kind of denial.

:: ashli 4:10 PM # ::
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I dream that a 13-week-old baby (15 weeks of pregnancy), probably mine, is placed inside a clear jar full of golden viscid honey. This of course magnifies the intricate body parts of the little one whose heart is seen beating through a transparent chest. The child is too vulnerable to struggle and simply submits every innocence to death's approach. I watch in horror as the chest no longer heaves and the heart no longer beats. The life is spent, the agonized expression forever sealed in sweet regurgitation.

I wake up, and my husband reminds me that suicide can be thought of as a kind of abortion.

:: ashli 4:53 PM # ::
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