:: The S.I.C.L.E. Cell ::

:: Sunday, January 30, 2005 ::

It's 5:20 A.M. (Once again, my timestamp is incorrect, and I'm too lazy to figure out how to configure it to display the right time automatically.)

It's here... the 8th anniversary of my first child's death.

Even though I realize that time is linear and nothing bad is happening right here and now (unless you count heartache), I can't help but relive it. January 30th rolls around and sweeps the cobbwebs from my mind's dusty corners. Images fly at me like bats.

Peering through time, I stand a ghost at my yesteryear bedside. I see myself sleeping only hours away from the horror of the rest of my life as a grieving mother. I see my precious child floating securely, possibly resting, possibly exercising, but completely safe, warm, and unaware of the fate that awaited him/her later in the day.

Forward a little. I see...

The shower I took to be clean for the abortionist who would devour me. There weren't many showers; I was so sick. But I saved one for him. I didn't want to offend as I went in to dismember my child in a second trimester D&E.

The trip to Orlando haunted by oranges begging me to turn back.

The "crazy" "pro-lifers" that infuriated me as I slowly crawled through them.

The idiot escort telling jokes in the standing-room-only lobby as Matlock tried a child-killing parent on the television and a teenager chatted happily away on her cell phone while waiting with me to enter the back rooms and kill our second trimester babies.

The very visibly pregnant mother with her labor pillow, the one who handed me her tissue travel pack because I was bawling my head off and she wasn't, the one I saw the next day in the restaurant scarfing down breakfast like nothing happened, like she hadn't just spent the night in an abortion clinic pushing out her very large, very dead baby into the hands of an abortionist's "nurse".

The forms, the plexiglass, the "nurse" calling my name...

I remember the pregnancy test and the mourning as I realized this was the last time my child's life would register in mine. I didn't want to do it. "It's OK," the nurse reasoned, "You can always have another baby later."

"BUT I WANT THIS ONE!"

I remember...
The counseling. And how the counseling was not counseling. And how there was no 11th hour salvation for us.

I remember...

The Room.

The absorbant pad. My fixation with it and inability to remove my clothing for staring at it and catching a glimpse of the future, of our blood draining into it, soaking it as our love became garbage, medical waste.

The sonogram and the man that turned it away.

The credit card that was re-charged.

The bell jar that was upgraded to a larger size for a larger baby. (I have always had fat babies.)

I can feel myself crying even now, pleading with the abortionist that I didn't want to kill my baby but didn't know what else to do because of my illness. He sent my husband in. I remember...

I can see his body appearing in the room, but he doesn't have a face. Just a flesh-colored blur. Where are you, husband? Nowhere, it appears... trapped in the same numbing void that enabled me to sit on a gut pad and kill our child.

That's when I hear it... the cart. Squeaky wheels. Yes, the doctor is in. "I don't want to do it! I don't want to kill my baby. But I don't know what else to do!"

"OK then," says the good doctor, "Are you ready?"

I say nothing. That's it. It's over. I'm gone. I hand him my arm. The end.

I wake up in the middle of it. I'm shaking. He is pulling something out of me. Pieces of something. Something awfully tenacious. He tugs and tugs. I heave back and forth as we are mangled. I pass out again.

I wake up. Someone is crying. Someone is bleeding. It's me. It's me. I see the nurse yanking me up. She is not nice anymore. She is yelling at me to be quiet. I stand in crimson-soaked socks, all that is left of my child splashing to the white tile floor. I look. I see. I faint.

I am manhandled, injected. Someone shoves a pad in my underwear and pulls me into a chair. I am fed. I eat for the first time in ages. I am still drugged. The tea is good. The cheese crackers are good. I fill my stomach but find that it is empty. Something is missing. Something electric and wonderful. Something small and perfect. Something precious. Someone being knit together wholly wired for loving me. My child is gone. Death for physical respite. It was not worth it.

We pull over on the way to the hotel. I puke on the side of the road. I eat at the hotel. I bleed at the hotel. That is why I am AT the hotel. "Do not go home," the abortionist warned. "Call us with your blood loss every hour."

I remember how he lied on my records. He said I left the abortion clinic with no bleeding. I bled for weeks and weeks. In a way, I am still bleeding.

Through the grey veil, I see my husband falling into hotel sheets and disappearing. I am at his side thinking of our child in pieces back at the abortion facility. I see him/her twisted at the bottom of the bell jar. I want him/her warm and safe and back with me. I'm so empty. There's no life in me. I look for a way out of the window. I'm done. There is none. I crawl into a porcelain corner and cry until I fade away forever.

I come home and life is different. Everything is strange and foreign. I will never be the same.

I try everything to cope. To survive. I have other children. But it's not like it's supposed to be. Every happy thing is tinged with sadness.

Eventually I start a blog. I talk about my child, my loss. I expose the royal scam. A few people even care.

Days go by. Months go by. Anniversaries come and go. When they arrive again I try not to think of it, but I can't not.

Curiously, I focus on the moment when the cruel lance first touched the amniotic sac. That split milisecond just before the end of all things. That shallow short breath that divides the space between life and death, happiness and horror. I see a delicate, precious orb and a sharp threatening instrument puncturing it. It's too late now.

Liquid spills out onto the pad. Diamonds flow into an oversized sanitary napkin. Diamonds... and rubies.

There is no turning back. This is the rest of my life. This is what one human life will buy.

Another anniversary. Another one. Another one. Another one...

:: ashli 4:13 AM # ::
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Heating up at the Carnival.
(Check the comments section.)

:: ashli 12:40 PM # ::
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Someone gave me a stack of Madea (Tyler Perry) DVDs to check out. Each production is like watching a train wreck. It's some truly some messed up stuff. "I ain't lyin!" But I have to admit, it had me rolling. ROLLING, I say! I can't help it; I'm human.

It's supposed to be gospel oriented, but I'd probably debate that. Nothin' you can show while the churrin is around. Prolly nothin' you should be watchin' yosef. Ohhhhhh chile... but that Brown sho is "F.U.B.U." with his ashy knees and broke-down barkin dog. "I ain't lyin!" The singing is phenomerrrrrnal, Mr. White Man, but as I say... a twisted kind of Good News.

What struck a chord in me the other night was a scene in "I Can Do Bad All By Myself". The 14-year-old girl (who has got a set of pipes, let me just tell you) gets pregnant, and her mother tries to force her to abort. She literally drags her to the abortion clinic but they say she is "too far gone", so no abortion. (Reminds me of a very real young girl I saw being dragged against her will into an abortion facility by her mother.) The girl's mother reveals that her daughter was conceived basically in a rape situation and eventually comes to terms with that. Madea has some pretty tough advice for the young girl and her mother. I laugh, I cry... these shows affect me deeply.

I may not find the plots or characters particularly heartwarming, and I may even be appalled at the language, sexual innuendo and overt drug references... but it has been suggested that, aside from obvious theatrics, this is the way it is for some people, and Tyler Perry might be able to speak to them where others can't.

All I know is I'm getting rid of the videos as soon as humanly possible... but part of me will be oh-so-sorry to see them go.

Click here to download what looks like a very toned-down version of Diary of a Mad Black Woman coming soon to motion pictures.

Click here for ol' skool Madea.

And here for the real reason why Rosa Parks would not give up her seat on the bus. (Click on number 8: "Rosa Stole My Man".)

Disclaimer: In putting on my "blaccent" for a portion of the above post I hope I am in no way offending my black American friends. This is how many of the characters talk in the Madea series, and I'm just running with that rural charm. While it is fun, I am not making fun. I believe there is a difference.

:: ashli 11:57 PM # ::
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ABC link validated.

Let's hear it for safe and legal abortion!

:: ashli 11:45 PM # ::
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Reminds me of precious Diane. They were too good for this world. Thanks to all who loved her children and widower with gifts, cards and prayers after her untimely death. You are a tremendous inspiration to me.

:: ashli 11:40 PM # ::
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Anger over crosses representing lives lost to abortion spurs 4 young guys to (illegal) action.

:: ashli 10:39 PM # ::
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Illegal activities.

:: ashli 10:37 PM # ::
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"If there is anything I regret then it is those terminations."

:: ashli 9:58 PM # ::
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This post is for a very special child...

Dear Little One,

I know who you are and your mommy knows who you are. She misses you so, and we both wish you were here. We are thinking of you today, especially your mommy, C., who sends oceans of love to you as you wait where there are no tears.

Remembering you,
Ashli and your mommy

:: ashli 11:05 PM # ::
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Elise is sick. Very sick. Doctor visits, trips to the E.R... it's touch and go. It's beyond belief, but there are dark possibilities.

You know what this means.

Those that pray, please do.

:: ashli 8:30 PM # ::
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Madeline is writing a book on prenatal diagnosis and abortion and is looking for personal stories of women who have received such a diagnosis and who have either aborted or not. If you know of anyone who might like to share her story, please write Madeline.

:: ashli 4:43 PM # ::
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*A certain set of people bothering you?
*Do you want to get rid of them but still obey the law?

NOW YOU CAN!

Just follow the five easy steps outlined here (scroll down dark grey bar), and you'll be well on your way to legally and safely killing people!

P.S.
In the spirit of being offended, this really chaps my hide:

"Spiegel told the newspaper Saarbr?cker Zeitung he 'cannot in any way understand" how anyone could compare abortion and euthanasia to the crimes of the Nazis. He called the comparison "unspeakable and offensive.'"

Hey, Spiegel! Maybe this'll help:
(graphic images)

Jewish holocaust
unborn holocaust

By taking offense at the comparison of the Jewish holocaust to the modern day unborn holocaust, some Jewish leaders are saying that unborn children are not real people and no one is exterminating them. I would like to remind the offended leaders that Hitler said the same thing of the Jews.

No one should apologize for pointing out that the dark corner of a malevolent history is repeating itself via abortion.

:: ashli 4:12 PM # ::
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Hey, man. Sorry about not posting lately. Things are insane. I've taken on more responsibility than one person could ever attend properly, and hopefully it will keep me so entirely stressed out and busy that I will be distracted as my SICLE anniversary swiftly approaches. Hopefully, I will just wake up to find February hanging around on the wall...

Ugh... February...

1997. Picture it: me sitting at my desk bleeding like a stuck pick after having my second trimester child ripped out of me in pieces. Bleeding, bleeding, bleeding... so much that I'm afraid to stand up at the chalk board. It's Friday, the 14th, and the children are covering my desk with pretty paper hearts and heart-shaped chocolate boxes. Hugs here and there. Their little arms come flying at me; they shower me with love. Little hands and faces. Little sounds coming from little mouths. Love, love and more love... because they're wired for it; it's all they know how to do. I sit there stunned and tormented by their sweetness and fragility. I sit there bleeding.

I lasted two and a half weeks after that, and I haven't worked since.

It was in the midst of a forever-moment of watching a child's tiny fingers painstakingly unfurl a precious raspberry fruit roll-up, and hearing him read and laugh adorably at the joke printed on the waxed paper beneath, that I knew I would never teach again.

So perhaps I will keep me busy until March.

I could always get pregnant again. I don't remember worrying about due dates last year. Physical torture has its perks.

:: ashli 10:38 PM # ::
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Remembering MLK...

"Like a boil that can never be cured so long as it is covered up but must be opened with all its ugliness to the natural medicines of air and light, injustice must be exposed, with all the tension its exposure creates, to the light of human conscience and the air of national opinion before it can be cured." -Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

:: ashli 10:40 PM # ::
...

Finally, finale...

From Carlin's Pork Chops...

"Then there's the fetus-unborn child argument. Even leaving aside personal feelings, the semantics of this alone are fun to unravel. To my way of thinking, whatever it is, if it's unborn, it's not a child. A fetus is not a child, because it hasn't been born yet."

Tell that to Tracy.

"That's why it's called a fetus."

I hear tell that "fetus" is latin for "little one". I call my 6-year-old "little one" all the time. Possibly, I could refer to him as a fetus and be technically correct. I also call him a kindergartner or a tyke. Sometimes I even refer to him as a little dickens. My daughter is swiftly approaching toddlerhood. Right now I affectionately refer to her as "the grub". At times I've referred to both my children as "pups".

Zygote, blastocyst, embryo, fetus, infant, toddler, pre-schooler, kindergartner, adolescent, pre-teen, teen, adult, senior citizen... all different stages of human existence. My point is, what's in a name? Apparently, Carlin seems to answer "everything".

"You can call it an unborn fetus if you want (it's redundant), but you can't call it an unborn child. Because -- not to belabor this -- to be a child, it has to be born. Remember?"

I remember this.

"The word unborn may sound wonderful to certain people, but it doesn't tell you anything. You could say a Volkswagen is unborn. But what would it mean."

"Choice" may sound wonderful to George Carlin, but it doesn't tell you anything.

Carlin is taking a bus to get to the bathroom from the kitchen.

BUT... in answer to his asinine point...

If we're talking about abortion, then we can assume "choice" refers to abortion and "unborn" refers to gestating humans. I might add that doctors often refer to gestating humans as "babies". I've been pregnant 4 times, and all of my doctors have referred to the "blob on the screen" as my "baby". My pregnancy books also refer to the unborn child as "baby" even though the terms for the stages of human development are sprinkled intermittently throughout.

"The fanatics have another name for fetuses. They call them the pre-born. Now we're getting creative."

I agree. I always thought the term "pre-born" was a little ridiculous. It's almost a nod to the abortion industry. Imho, it validates the charge that "unborn" means "unhuman". It doesn't. Unborn refers to a gestating being. If a farmer is examining his pregnant cow and refers to her unborn we know he's not talking about a potato. He's talking about a baby cow. If an ob/gyn is performing a sonogram and refers to the unborn, we know he is not talking about a Volkswagen. This is common sense. We don't have to dumb it down merely because the abortion supporters choose to convert fact to fiction. We can continue to use the term "unborn" and it can continue to mean "a living, gestating human being".

"If you accept pre-born, I think you would have to say that, at the moment of birth, we go instantly from being pre-born to being pre-dead. Makes sense, doesn't it?"

About as much sense as giving fruitcake to someone you like.

Look, I bought a pre-cooked ham but the package said "pre-cooked" not "pre-consumed". If the company had wanted to confuse or distract consumers I suppose they could have said "pre-consumed", "pre-digested", or even "pre-decompsed" ham. This would be silly. Everyone knows the point is that the ham has already been cooked. "Pre-born" while also a somewhat silly term, obviously conveys that a living being is in the period of gestation. (George, George, George.)

"Technically, we're all pre-dead."

Technically, Carlin is pre-dead, and the re-born are pre-immortal.

"Although, if you think about it even harder, the word pre-dead would best be reserved for describing stillborn babies. The post-born pre-dead."

Two seconds ago George described the living as pre-dead. So how can the dead be pre-dead? A stillborn child is still because he's already dead. And really... when did stillborn children become comedic fodder? I guess right around the time getting laughs off of aborted babies became acceptable.

"By the way, I think the reason conservatives want all these babies to be born is that they simply like the idea of birth. That's why so many of them have been born again. They can't get enough of it."

1. While we are slicing and dicing language here, I must point out that all aborted babies are born. Some are born in underpants, toilets, beds, bedpans, suction tubes, hotel rooms and even on the front lawn of the local abortion facility. Some are born whole or in pieces, dead or even "accidentally" alive. So to clarify, everyone wants babies to be born, especially abortion seekers. It's just that some of us want them to be born alive and healthy at the natural end of a pregnancy and some of us want them to be born dead as doornails as soon as possible.

2. Many conservatives, be they secular or sectarian, want "all these babies" to be born alive because they're already alive, and to prevent them from being born they would have to be killed. The Declaration of Independence doesn't support this, and radical conservatives are kind of "into" America. They also stubbornly oppose killing innocent children and physically/emotionally hurting moms. Many conservatives believe that all of humanity deserves better and can do better than abortion.

That's a whole lot for Carlin to put in his pipe. Let's just hope his stint at the rehab center won't prevent him from smoking it.

Previous posts in the Carlin series:
Post One
Post Two
Post Three
Post Four
Post Five
Post Six
Post Seven
Post Eight
Post Nine
Post Ten
Post Eleven
Post Twelve

:: ashli 12:01 AM # ::
...

In last night's dream I was sitting at a picnic table trying to enjoy my meal while the person across from me starts smoking. Puff, puff, puff. The smoke billowed in my face. I couldn't breathe much less taste my potato salad. "Do you mind?" I asked. The person shouts back, "Hey! I got a right to smoke!"

I moved a hundred feet down the seemingly never ending table and settled in across from a guy who had seen the whole interaction. He consoled, "Yeah, man... I hate it when people smoke. It's nasty. My girlfriend lit one up the other night and wanted me to f*ck her, but I wasn't about to f*ck her while she was smoking. I told her, 'I don't f*ck smokers.' F*CK!"

The cussing was a real turn off so I moved away from table entirely. I found myself at the bottom of a ladder. I could hear someone speaking at the top. The things the voice said were good things, lovely things. I don't remember what was said, I just know it was pleasant and I was drawn to it. Naturally, I climbed the ladder. At the top of the ladder were wood beams of cedar. They arced and formed a triangular port. I wanted to peer in, to see who was speaking, but I could only "crown" the opening; I literally didn't fit in.

I attempted to cram myself through anyway, when a monitor swung in place and I could see my appendages being tugged at and and sliced. I watched as deep slashes formed in pink skin and adipose tissue rolled out sparkling. I saw myself being hacked at until arms and legs dangled by sinews then came off.

Terrified, I let go of the ladder. And fell with a thud on a cold tile floor. I found myself in a bathroom for women. On the wall was a metal dispenser. A beautiful girl put in three pieces of silver and three sanitary napkins plopped out. The napkins were made of thick terricloth and fleece. Yellow on the "catch" side and black on the other. On the black side was an embroidered emblem that said "Planned Parenthood" in style. This was not your normal pad. It was made for soaking up oceans... and was reusable. Confused I looked at the metal dispenser again. Written in tender pastels were the words "After Abortion".

Death was sweetly packaged and highly mainstream. I sat on the floor and laughed through tears that woke me up.

:: ashli 12:37 PM # ::
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Boss post!

(Thanks, Aa.)

:: ashli 10:00 AM # ::
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Planned Parenthood seeks to undermine Florida voters.

:: ashli 4:25 PM # ::
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Breast cancer prevention foundation: not enough money to help prevent breast cancer but curiously, sufficient funds to ensure it.

:: ashli 4:10 PM # ::
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Carlin's latest abortion shtick from his 2004 book entitled When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops? (pages 161-63).

"It's impossible to mention the word choice without thinking of the language that has come out of the abortion wars. Back when those battles were first being joined, the religious fanatics realized that anti-abortion sounded negative and lacked emotional power. So they decided to call themselves pro-life."

I don't call myself pro-life. I'm not entirely anti-death penalty. I think I'm probably leaning that way, but typically I'll laugh everytime someone brings up Willie Meggs' solution to jail overcrowding: "electric bleachers". I know, I know... crass. But I do believe there is a distinct difference in killing an innocent child and killing a murdering rapist. But I'm funny that way.

"Pro-life not only made them appear virtuous, it had the additional advantage of suggesting their opponents were anti-life, and, therefore, pro-death."

I think some people, such as abortionists (who profit off of abortion), probably are "pro-abortion" or "pro-death" if you like. I think there are some mom's who have killed and secretly feel terrible about it and so they need constant validation that what they did was OK, even good, "the best thing at the time". I think there are hurting folks who tell everyone with an unplanned pregnancy that they should abort. I think these folks go out of their way to level the playing field, because misery loves company, and it wouldn't be fair if someone else made the compassionate choice and actually got to enjoy their child with no regrets. I only surmise this because I believe I have come across the type first-hand.

"They also came up with a lovely variation designed to get you all warm inside: pro-family. Well, the left wing didn't want to be seen as either anti-life or pro-death, and they knew pro-abortion wasn't what they needed, so they decided on pro-choice."

Didn't the abortion supporters actually come up with slogans first? I mean, abortion was not the law of the land, and they were the ones pushing for it, so didn't they come up with "pro-choice" before anyone thought to counteract that with "pro-life"? Someone slide me the 411 on that.

"That completed the name game and gave the world the now classic struggle: pro-choice vs. pro-life. The interesting part is that the words life and choice are not even opposites. But there they are, hangin' out together, bigger than life."

The "name game" is right. It's a game. "Pro-lifers" are "pro-choice". They're into choosing upholstery to match curtains, into choosing between chunky and smooth peanut butter, into choosing breakfast cereal... the only thing they're "anti-choice" about is the choice to abort. So it's not really accurate to say that people who oppose abortion are anti-choice. Neither is it accurate to call them "pro-life", because plenty of them will shoot a deer and gnaw on its hindquarters, set a spring-loaded rat trap, kill a fly, cheer when Jeffery Dahmer goes up in flames, gun down an assailant, support war, kill countless bacteria with antibacterial Dial...

And to be fair, "pro-choicers" are not typically for the choice to rape a woman or drink while under the influence, or the choice to engage in child porn or any number of things. Some "pro-choicers", such as John Kerry, are even against the choice of two consenting adults to marry one the other if they happen to be the same sex. (Mental note re: Kerry: Killing a child - can't impose "religious" values. Homosexual marriage - no problem imposing actual religious values.") So yes, yes, it's all a big game of words.

"And by the way, during this period of name-choosing, thanks to one more touch of left-wing magic, thousands of abortionists' offices were slowly and mysteriously turning into family-planning clinics."

I'll take "Nell Carter" for $500, Alex. What is "Gimmie a Break"!

"And on the subject of those places, I think the left really ought to do something about this needlessly emotional phrase back-alley abortions. 'We don't want to go back to the days of back-alley abortions.' Please. It's over-descriptive; how many abortions ever took place in back alleys? Or, okay, in places where the entrance was through a back alley?"

Balance. Carlin must be mellowing in his old age.

"Long before Roe v Wade, when I was a young man, every abortion I ever paid for took place in an ordinary doctor's office, in a medical building. We came in through the front door and took the elevator. The three of us. Of course, as we were leaving, the elevator carried a lighter load."

BINGO.

Other posts in the Carlin series:
Post One
Post Two
Post Three
Post Four
Post Five
Post Six
Post Seven
Post Eight
Post Nine
Post Ten
Post Eleven
Finale

:: ashli 11:20 PM # ::
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"So you know what I tell these anti-abortion people? I say 'If you think a fetus is more important then a woman, try getting a fetus to wash the shit stains out of your underwear. For no pay and no pension.'"

Oh, I get it. Took me a while there because the idea that people who oppose abortion also oppose women in general is so utterly untrue.

Again...

This argument is just another diversionary tactic. Forget all about the >40 million people (women included) that abortion supporters have maimed and killed and move right to the hackneyed "pro-lifers hate women". Ugh, the rhetoric is really stale.

For the record, the abortion opposer doesn't think a fetus is more important than a woman. We think they're both equally human and therefore equally important.

However, we do think that a child's physical survival is more pressing than a temporary maternal challenge, and, unlike certain others, we are not proponents of fortune-telling.

In other words, we do not vigorously assure women that if they continue to let their children grow unharmed they will be destined to a life of washing soiled underwear for no pay and pension. On the contrary. We have much more faith in women than that.

Abortion opposers know that women deserve their children and a promising future, and we don't subscribe to the hopeless belief that women should have to choose between the two. People who have faith in and respect for women know that we are strong enough and smart enough to have both.

Other posts in the Carlin series:
Post One
Post Two
Post Three
Post Four
Post Five
Post Six
Post Seven
Post Eight
Post Nine
Post Ten
Post Twelve
Finale

:: ashli 12:24 AM # ::
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Thought some of you might be interested in what happened to Patte's preacher during church last Sunday. (Patte is the "sidewalk counselor" who occasionally shares her diary with us here at the Cell.)

Without further ado, it's Patte time...

"Sunday, January 9, 2005
I will never forget today. Jack Arnold was full of the Spirit on the Lord's Day. The missionary and beloved former pastor of our church took the pulpit this morning. His message was entitled "The Cost of Discipleship".

Preaching from Luke14:25-27; "And whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple". Jack encouraged the church to listen carefully to Christ's words and to obey Him, charging: "Carry your cross into the public streets!"

He spoke of the necessity of living a life of whole-hearted devotion and complete surrender to Jesus. Jack quoted Dietrich Bonhoeffer who said: "When Christ calls a man He bids him come and die". He quoted John Wesley "I'm immortal until God calls me home."

Jack enthusiatically declared: "To live is Christ and to die is .... terrible? awful? tragedy? NO! To live is Christ and to die is GAIN! I am ready to go and be with the Lord, I don't know about any of you." He laughed and said: "Remember the words of Jim Elliot who said: 'He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.'"

Jack was full of unspeakable joy. During this annointed and prophetic sermon the Lord crooked His finger and Jack Arnold fell over dead.

Through the power of an endless life (Hebrews 7:16), Jack Arnold lives on in the presence of the One He loved. I couldn't help but think, if the Lord were to crook His finger and call any of us home, how sweet and perfect to find us, like Jack, telling of Jesus.

If our faith is based and grounded in the eternal priesthood and indomitable power of the resurrection of Christ, we too, will be fearless in the face of life and death.

"Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, dies no more."Romans 7:8,9"

Pretty wild, huh!

I promise I'll get back to the Carlin thing just as soon as I have a moment to spare. (Lots of interesting things drawing my attention away lately.)

:: ashli 2:48 PM # ::
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Just got in from out of town. Was at "Gabbi's" wedding. Watched Gabbi's daughter dance and play on the dance floor. For a milisecond my mind's eye held an image of her floating in formaldehyde and her own blood in a medical waste container at Pendergraft's. I nearly fell off my chair.

That's where she had been headed. She had even been inside the building (where my child was killed). There was a container with her name on it.

Instead she is here with us... attending a wedding, delighting in the moment, wearing an $80 dress and floating around with a smile on her adorable face like a gossamer, white-winged butterfly.

This is not rocket science.
How can anyone think
that a medical waste container
is any place for a child?
This is not rocket science.

Outside, Grandma, the woman who had told her daughter to pray to God to find the strength to go back to Pendergraft's and abort the baby (at 23 weeks), found my husband and quietly told him how grateful she was for me in her daughter's life, how grateful she was that I had "convinced" Gabbi not to abort the child that Grandma now loves so very much. I only feel desperate gratitude, incredible privilege. (And I am glad to finally know for sure that Grandma doesn't resent me.)

The time of Gabbi's pregnancy was such a scary, horrible time. I recall sifting through used baby clothes with her, clinging to the come-what-may, buckle-your-seatbelt attitude that is love in such a situation... reminding the both of us that anything was better than a giant, white plastic jar filled to the rim with one's baby.

Three years and an unfun season as a cashier at McDonald's later... the girl is finishing college, just got married, owns her own home, has better furniture than I do, has $80 to spend on a dress for a toddler (which I don't), and, most importantly, has NO SICLE (which I do).

I have to say it again:
Three years ago this girl and I were knee-deep in a pile of used baby clothes trying to avoid anything with spitup stains, and now my own daughter is the proud beneficiary of her child's Neiman Marcus hand-me-downs! It's an INCREDIBLE, marvelous feeling!

If I had only had a crystal ball during the time of her tumultuous gravidity. It wasn't reality that was leading Gabbi to abort, it was fear. And the fears were not real; they never came to fruition! Life wasn't always easy, but it was always worth it.

Peering into the crystal ball we would have seen the choice between unending joy and sorrow... a white, wispy dress and a white plastic belljar. That was the reality.

Oh, Mother... you clothed your daughter in life!
May your days be blessed with the wonder of her!

:: ashli 11:55 PM # ::
...

"ACHA records in the complaint, obtained by the Associated Press, also show the abortion facility was keeping improper records. 'Revoking the license of any health care facility is a serious action, but there is nothing more serious than a facility failing to take the appropriate basic steps to protect the health and safety of the people it serves,' the agency said in a statement Wednesday. "

Nothing more serious? Years ago I alerted ACHA to the fact that there was improper record keeping at Pendergraft's Orlando Women's Center, and they cared SQUAT. They wouldn't even investigate it and tried time and again to close the complaint. I kept reopening it.

The woman I dealt with couldn't even bring herself to SAY the word "abortion". It was ridiculous. And now they're the ones moralizing the "seriousness" of improper records? If it's so "serious" AHCA might want to look into "patient" complaints. Unbelievable.

Will resume the Carlin tirade tomorrow.

:: ashli 11:49 PM # ::
...

Stealing a minute before heading out the door...

Saw something at After abortion that tore my guts out.

:: ashli 1:07 AM # ::
...

Not going to be able to blog on Friday and Saturday, so I'm getting a jump on things. I will resume Carlin-flaying on the 9th or 10th.

So for now... it's Patte time.
(Get your hankies.)

"Thursday, January 6, 2005
Orlando Women's Center Abortion Clinic
Late term abortions: 17 - 40 weeks/4 - 9 months gestation

19-year-old Diedre arrived early at the abortion clinic with her motherBeverly. She stopped to talk to us while her mother was inside the clinic, arranging for the death of her grandbaby. Diedre admitted that she was halfway through her very first pregnancy.

I asked Diedre: "What is the biggest reason why you don't want to have this baby?"

Diedre said: "I'm not ready. I'm at college and I'm in the band. There are things I want to do. I can't be pregnant and do what I want to do."

I explained: "Being pregnant doesn't have to inerfere with your education. I horseback rode until I was 8 1/2 months pregnant and my friend ran marathons during her pregnancies. You can have this baby AND continue your studies, Diedre, and we'll help!"

Diedre shook her head.

Patte: "Do you understand that you're going to HAVE this baby? This abortion is labor-and-delivery. Your baby could be born alive, Diedre."

Diedre: "Yes, I know. They told me."

I explained to Diedre that I had a wonderful solution to her dilemma. Adoption. I helped Diedre to understand that although she didn't want to raise this baby, there were hundreds of couples who would love that very same privilege. Just then, her mom Beverly came out of the clinic and walked over. I took pains to explain adoption to Beverly.

"This is a wonderful way for you to help your daughter do the right thing."

Beverly shook her head. She said: "My daughter used birth control. This wasn't supposed to happen."

I corrected her: "The truth is, this WAS supposed to happen. Did you know that the bible assures us that God is the one who "makes alive"? His Word also reveals that God knows us BEFORE He forms us in the womb. This child is not a mistake, but a gift of God."

Beverly and Diedre nodded. They knew this was true.

Beverly said: "I know that no birth control is fool-proof. Abstinence isthe only way to be sure not to become pregnant. But, you can't expectpeople not to have sex. That is just unrealistic."

Patte to Beverly: "Your daughter is pregnant with her first baby. She is full of child, your grandchild. There's no avoiding that now. Diedre is going to have to go through childbirth to have this abortion. All we're asking you to do is DELAY that childbirth until this baby is ready to be born."

Although Diedre had a sonogram at the clinic the day before, she hadn't looked at the living child on the screen. Only the abortionist saw her baby. We offered to bring them both inside the mobile unit to have an ultrasound.

"Come with us and see your pregnancy for yourself."

Diedre looked at her mom. Beverly looked at her pregnant daughter.

Diedre said: "I want to take some time to talk to my mom about this."

They went behind the clinic and talked. Melissa and I talked too. We imagined Diedre's baby. At 19 weeks, this little one can hear the voice of her mother. We knew that Diedre could feel her infant wiggling and turning in her belly. Her baby already has fine hair on her head. Her fingers are able to curve around an object placed in her hand. Diedre's infant sleeps, awakens and exercises in coordinated movements. This tiny child has been squinting, swallowing, hiccupping and wrinkling her forehead for months. She turns her head, curls her toes and opens and closes her mouth. Diedre's baby could be about 10 inches long. Lovely, sweet, precious. This infant could be born alive into the abortion clinic toilet, just like Tricia Feldman's baby was. This baby would be treated like medical waste, as if she were garbage. Hauled away and burned with dirty pads and placentas. We shuddered.

More people arrived to abort their babies. Maria (will have to grapple with the violence and fatality of this experience at the tender age of 14), Sandra, Shelley. We plead with all of them.

Our hearts sank as Diedre and Beverly came up the driveway.

Diedre smiled and said: "We're going to do it."

They took their helpless little one into the clinic to be killed and disposed of.

Sadly, no one choose to allow their babies to keep the gift of life that God had so graciously given to them. Many more women arrived to murder their babies this afternoon. As I type this update to you, Maria's, Sandra's, Shelley's and Diedre's babies are dying."

:: ashli 10:12 PM # ::
...

"And not every egg makes it that far. 80% of a woman's fertilized eggs are rinsed and flushed out of her body once a month during those delightful few days she has. They wind up on sanatary napkins and yet, they are, fertilized eggs."

1. They are people, and that is referred to as an early miscarriage.

2. If a woman miscarries 9 children does it mean that her tenth child, who lives, is not human? What bearing does the percentage of Mother's miscarriages have on the humanity of a living child?

3. Following Carlin's logic, if it is OK to kill people before birth because many or even most of them die before birth, then it must be OK to kill people post-birth because 100% of them will die after birth.

"So basically what these anti-abortion people are tellin' us is that any woman who's had more then one period is a serial killer!"

Periods are different from miscarriages as they involve the shedding of unfertilized eggs. Miscarriages differ from abortion in that miscarriages are unintentional. Using Carlin's analogy, a mother would only be a "serial killer" if she willfully aborted more than one child.

"If they really wanna get serious, what about all those sperm that are wasted when the state executes a condemned man and one of these pro-life guys who's watching cums in his pants? Here's a guy standing over there with his jockey shorts full of little vinnies and debbies and nobody's saying a word to the guy."

1. There is a difference between executing an innocent, helpless child and executing a murderer, and so some people who oppose abortion do support the death penalty without contradicting themselves. I think a distinction can be made between "pro-life" and "anti-abortion". People who don't like abortion are anti-abortion. People who are "pro-life" have what some refer to as a "consistent life ethic" and don't support the death penalty.

2. Ova and sperm share the genetic code of the woman's/man's body. A fertilized ovum, that is to say, a human being, has a genetic code entirely different from the parental body. Sperm and ova have one set of chromosomes while a blastocyst has 23 pairs. Sperm are potential people. Fertilized eggs are people with potential.

(Photo links of white women who adopted black and drug-exposed black children... and children with Down Syndrome... have been added here and appear in response number 7.)

Other posts in the Carlin series:
Post One
Post Two
Post Three
Post Four
Post Five
Post Six
Post Seven
Post Eight
Post Nine
Post Eleven
Post Twelve
Finale

:: ashli 9:36 PM # ::
...

"Here's another question I have: How come when it's us it's 'an abortion,' and when it's chickens it's 'an omlette.'"

1. Grocery stores mainly sell unfertilized chicken eggs although fertilized eggs can be purchased from specialty markets. So most omlettes consist of chicken ova. Even so...

2. There is a pretty big difference between a chicken and a human child.

"Is a fetus a human being? This seems to be the central question. Well, if a fetus is a human being, how come the census doesn't count them?"

The census doesn't count them because Roe v. Wade is law and people like George Carlin would be outraged.

"If a fetus is a human being, how come when there's a miscarriage, they don't have a funeral?"

Some cultures/religions do. But Carlin's question is a diversion. It's a cultural/religious question, not a moral question. If I died and no one gave me a funeral, would that invalidate my humanity? And if I buried my goldfish in an expensive casket, invited guests, sang songs and wept loudly would that make him human?

"If a fetus is a human being, how come people say 'we have two children and one on the way,' instead of saying 'we have three children.'"

1. Many people do count the in-womb child, but Carlin is once again refering to a cultural phenomenon.

2. In China they calculate age from the estimated conception day. The birthday is just the birthday; it marks the day of birth. It is not "lifeday". So in China, a place where forced abortion and infanticide are rampant, the child is already acknowledged as a living human being on the day of conception.

3. I've said that I was green with envy before, but that is not evidence that I've literally changed colors. People say a lot of things.

"But even after the egg is fertilized, it's still six or seven days before it reaches the uterus and pregnancy begins."

1. Actually, physicians, many of whom support and even perform abortion, count the two weeks prior to conception as the time when the pregnancy has officially begun, so Carlin doesn't have the patent on when pregnancy begins. Doctors count the two non-pregnant weeks of pregnancy to more precisely pinpoint an estimated date of delivery as many women do not know when they conceived but do know when their last menstrual cycle began. If a woman is 40 weeks pregnant her child's gestational age is 38 weeks. What this shows is that Carlin doesn't understand basic concepts related to pregnancy and has very little authority on the subject.

2. A person can implant in his mother's fallopian tube. This is referred to as an "ectopic pregnancy" even though the child has not made it into his mother's womb. Once again, a simple concept.

3. When an egg is fertilized it immediately posesses 23 pairs of chromosomes (or, in the case of an anomaly, a different but equally valuable number, as different ability doesn't make a person inhuman). Eggs and sperm only have one set of chromosomes and no pairs. A human being has pairs. A blastocyst does not resemble a fetus, a fetus doesn't entirely resemble a toddler, and a toddler doesn't entirely resemble a teen. A teen doesn't entirely resemble an adult and I don't resemble a senior citizen... entirely... although I'm well on my way. However, all the while I've had and will have 23 pairs of chromosomes. So, unless a person is an advocate of discrimination based on physical appearance, I think it matters little what I look like; I'm always human. I was a living human being, me, the moment my cells possessed their own set of chromosome pairs and began to divide. It doesn't matter how big I was, what I was capable of doing or thinking, what I looked like or where I lived. This is basic science. When human life begins, pregnancy begins.

Other posts in the Carlin series:
Post One
Post Two
Post Three
Post Four
Post Five
Post Six
Post Seven
Post Eight
Post Ten
Post Eleven
Post Twelve
Finale

:: ashli 9:18 PM # ::
...

Rumaisa!

:: ashli 11:08 AM # ::
...

Planned Parenthood has been distributing shoddy rubbers that serve to increase industry profits via ensuing abortions.

It makes so much cents to trust Planned Parenthood.

:: ashli 10:53 AM # ::
...

"And you won't see a lot of these pro-life people dousing themselves in kerosene and lighting themselves on fire. You know, morally commited religious people in South Vietnam knew how to stage a g*ddamn demonstration, didn't they? They knew how to put on a fuckin' protest! Light yourself on FIRE! Come on, you moral crusaders, let's see a little smoke to match that fire in your belly!"

He's right. You won't see us lighting ourselves on fire.
We burn [and cut] ourselves quietly in the privacy of our own homes.

Other posts in the Carlin series:
Post One
Post Two
Post Three
Post Four
Post Five
Post Six
Post Seven
Post Nine
Post Ten
Post Eleven
Post Twelve
Finale

:: ashli 12:22 AM # ::
...

"You don't see many of these white anti-abortion women volunteering to have any black fetuses transplanted into their uterus, do you? No, you don't see 'em adopting a whole lotta crack babies, do ya? No, that might be something Christ might do."

1. The technology to transplant fetuses does not yet exist.

2. Plenty of pro-life white women have black husbands and biracial children. So while they didn't "transplant" partly black fetuses, they certainly helped to put them there.

3. Plenty of black women are pro-life. Does this mean they're anti-black?

4. It is ridiculous that Carlin is criticizing anyone for being anti-black while he openly supports the number one killer of black people.

*3 out of 5 black children are aborted.

*Black Americans make up 12% of the population, but they comprise 35% of those who abort.

*Planned Parenthood has 78% of its abortion facilities in minority communities.

*The abortion industry has made 4 BILLION dollars off of killing black babies.

*Between 1882 and 1968, 3,446 Blacks were lynched in the U.S. That number is surpassed in less than 3 days by abortion. EVERY WEEK abortion kills twice as many black people than the Ku Klux Klan has killed in its entire history. (This doesn't include black women who die in botched abortions or who develop breast cancer at 4.7 times the rate of black women who have not experienced abortion.)

White anti-abortion women don't want black children in their wombs? Heck, George! By supporting abortion, you don't even want them in your world!

5. Ever the black advocate, Carlin mentions black children in tandem with "crack babies". Someone please remind him that all drug-exposed babies are not black. And someone please inform him that plenty of people adopt special needs children, including drug and alcohol-exposed children.

6. White lady adopts a whole lotta black crack babies. Notice that Harris doesn't help women abort their children but helps them to prevent conception. (Fun comment by moralist Gloria Feldt!)

7. I personally know two different white women who adopted black children (most of whom happened to be drug-exposed at birth). The first friend adopted a sibling group of five plus another. All of the children (except the non-sibling) were drug-exposed. The other adopted two, non-exposed children (and btw, her parents have several adopted children, but they do practice discrimination: they will only adopt children with Down syndrome). In addition, these women belong to groups full of women just like them.

8. All of this is beside the point. As Alcorn points out, a fellow can deem it unethical for his neighbor to beat his wife even if he isn't willing to marry her and give her a home.

So it is possible to decry unethical behavior even when one doesn't provide a solution. That's good news for PETAphiles. It means they can gripe about what happens to animals without being responsible for providing homes, food, healthcare, etc. for every critter on earth.

Carlin is shifting the discussion from the morality of abortion to whether one has a solution to particular social problems. It absolutely has no bearing on the fact that abortion results in the death of human beings who, according to the Declaration of Independence, have the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Our forefathers are rolling in their graves.
(Our multi-cultural children are rolling into theirs.)

Other posts in the Carlin series:
Post One
Post Two
Post Three
Post Four
Post Five
Post Six
Post Eight
Post Nine
Post Ten
Post Eleven
Post Twelve
Finale

:: ashli 6:01 AM # ::
...

"They're not pro-life, you know what they are? They're anti-woman! They believe a woman's primary role is to fuction as a brood mare for the state."

1. Polls show that more women than men oppose abortion.

2. There are many more women in anti-abortion organizations than there are in abortion supporting organizations.

3. Of women who have actually experienced abortion, more oppose abortion than support it.

(All of these are flawlessly cited in Randy Alcorn's ProLife Answers to ProChoice Arguments.)

So basically, George Carlin is "pro-woman" but women are anti-woman. Well, he IS a comedian afterall.

Other posts in the Carlin series:
Post One
Post Two
Post Three
Post Four
Post Five
Post Seven
Post Eight
Post Nine
Post Ten
Post Eleven
Post Twelve
Finale

:: ashli 7:47 PM # ::
...

"Pro-life, these people aren't pro-life, they're killing doctors. What kind of pro-life is that? What, they'll do anything they can to save a fetus, but if it grows up to be a doctor they just might have to kill it?"

1. I'd like to recap the violent fatality score for the last 30 years:

"Pro-lifers" 7
"Pro-choicers" >40 million

2. A handful of heterosexuals commits fatal hate crimes against homosexuals, does this mean George Carlin is dangerous to homosexuals?

A handful of abortion-opposers have gone apenuts and wrongly thought that the solution was to kill people who make a career of killing children. They looped and they were wrong. Truth be told, a number of the perpetrators weren't even "pro-lifers" but were angry men whose girlfriends/wives had aborted their children.

3. In the book ProLife Ansers to ProChoice Arguments, Randly Alcorn reminds us that historically, the civil rights movement has been more violent than the anti-abortion movement, yet everyone understands that a few nutlettes don't illegitimize the entire civil rights effort.

4. Randy also points out that no matter what anti-abortion protesters are doing outside abortion facilities it doesn't change the fact that abortion-supporters are killing countless children inside.

If you don't have the book you must get yourself a copy. There's a whole section on the "prolifers are violent" charge.

Here are some of the talking points:

*Media coverage of prolife civil disobedience often bears little resemblance to what actually happens.

*Prolife civil disobedience should not be condemned without understanding the reasons behind it.

*Peaceful civil disobedience is consistent with the belief that the unborn are human beings.

*Prolife protests have been remarkably nonviolent, and even when there has been violence, it has often been committed by clinic employees and escorts.

*Abortion clinic bombing and violnece are rare, and are neither done nor endorsed by prolife organizations.

Examples and citations are given for each.

Just for fun, you have to read the reviews for Alcorn's book on Amazon. There are a few little "anti-choicers are anti-feminist" nuggets that I just cherish for the giggles.

Other posts in the Carlin series:
Post One
Post Two
Post Three
Post Four
Post Six
Post Seven
Post Eight
Post Nine
Post Ten
Post Eleven
Post Twelve
Finale

:: ashli 5:07 PM # ::
...