:: The S.I.C.L.E. Cell ::

:: Friday, January 30, 2004 ::

Today is black Friday, the 7th anniversary of my first child's death. I almost didn't remember it. I woke up and it seemed like any other day. The only thing amiss was feeling unordinarily concerned for my son's safety. I kept hoping nothing would happen that would take his life. Images of car wrecks or crazed school yard shooters flickered through my mind. Why? I couldn't grasp it. Was it a warning? No. It was a memory.

Someone I loved, a child of mine, died a very gruesome, violent death seven years ago. It is in there, in my heart and mind, even when I forget to remember.

I am thinking of who that child must have been and what s/he must have looked like, sounded like, smelled like... the whole package. I wish I could remember my life without this stone. I forget who I was; I only know me without Tennessee.

I struggled to get through that pregnancy, but other than that, I never got to love my child. I gave up. I cried uncle. I never got to love Tennessee.

I'm not allowed to love my child.
The "pro-life" movement says
I can only feel guilty and then set free.
The "pro-choice" movement says
I can only feel liberated.
Death says
I can only feel useless.

Today I spin. Termination throws a belt in the machine of adoration. Gears spin and spin with no where to go.

Spin, spin, spin...

the unhappiness
of life without you
of days that remember
your black passing.
forever
is what it all means
when there's only
the vacuum
of now.

:: ashli 10:55 AM # ::
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Blatant media bias.

This is part of the spoonfeeding of America and the reason why many little girls grow up to support abortion. They, along with the rest of the country, are being utterly duped. The shock comes when they wake up with their own feet in stirrups, their own body violated, their own child annihilated by the violence of "choice". The anger comes with the realization that this was not humane or kind or an acceptable solution to a crisis pregnancy. The silence comes when abortion-worshipping entities such as the media make it clear that no one cares and truth is a damnable prohibition.

What a neat little cycle of destruction.

:: ashli 10:58 AM # ::
...

Coming out of the closet!

The Democrats for Life need to come up with Tshirts that say "Yes I Am!"

:: ashli 2:54 PM # ::
...

Another protest letter. This time to a theatre who is donating part of the proceeds to an abortion clinic. Laughably, they say they take no position on the abortion debate.

"I am very disappointed to see that your theatre has positioned itself smack dab in the middle of the abortion debate by financially supporting abortion via some of the proceeds of the upcoming Vagina Monologues. As a feminist, actress and woman who has been deeply wounded physically and emotionally in a second-trimester abortion, I would have preferred to see financial support go to groups who only help women and children as opposed to groups that perpetuate violence, deception and oppression against women and children.

Abortion is a sign that society has failed women, abandoned them to violence, caused them to devalue their own beautiful, unique, life-giving function, and perpetuates the myth that a woman is not strong enough to raise a child without a man.

Women deserve better than the ticket you're selling."

So, Seacoast Repertory Theatre, put THAT in your vagina and smoke it!

(P.S. Does it surprise any of you Cell readers to know I sometimes dabble in local theatre? Comedy and tragedy; the story of my life!)

:: ashli 12:44 PM # ::
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ABC News' shocking awful abortion bias

Write them. I know I did:

"Over a hundred thousand peaceful 'pro-lifers' showed up for the March for Life in Washington and instead of giving that gathering any exposure whatsoever, you gave airtime to W. Clarke to reaffirm his support of abortion. Not only that, but on your website you featured two articles that not only firmly supported abortion but dug up the skankiest pseudo-'pro-life' nutbags you could find and cast them to represent the whole of the anti-violence, anti-abortion movement. Your bias is obvious.

ABC news is neither fair nor balanced. You are supposed to report the news, not manipulate information in a smarmy attempt to dictate national philosophy. I have lost all faith in ABC news and will no longer watch it. When you only present one side of an issue as acceptable while doing your darndest to smear the other side, you're not giving your viewers much of a choice. Why can't you present both sides fairly and accurately? Don't you trust the public to make good choices? Or is that the very thing that has you running so scared?"

They know that if people really knew the truth and if women really had choices, it would make abortion rare. This is what abortion supporters say they want while simultaneously cranking out their candy-coated nightmare.

:: ashli 8:52 AM # ::
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Many of the SICLE stories women tell involve a man who doesn't want a child that the woman personally wants. The woman then thinks, "Well, gee I can't do this without the man," and abortion-loving pseudo-feminists bumrush her with termination, which is simply a confirmation of the anti-feminist message that a woman is not strong enough and is even incapable without a man.

HOW CAN THIS BE FEMINISM???

Isn't a feminist response supposed to go more along the lines of, "Oh, honey, it will be tough, but you are strong and can do anything you set your mind to. There is no need to suffer surgical invasion, health risks and the loss of your child for some irresponsible, selfish man." No need, because shouldn't all the bleeding-heart liberals, nature-huggers and particularly human/civil rights activists be standing behind her in solidarity, helping her with the big pot of love money they've raised to give peace a chance?

But no! In this topsy turvy world demeaning and beating women down is feminism and nature-loving liberals are only being civil and humane when they advocate sticking metal up a woman's body and ending a very complex, natural process without any regard for physical or emotional repercussion.

What was it Someone said about calling the black of night the light of day and evil good?

:: ashli 11:05 AM # ::
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Promises, promises. I am still waiting on the picture that accompanies the underground account that I want to relay. There is now some difficulty in getting the image from the hospital who doesn't want to release it. Legally they have to release it to the mother, but they might just conveniently "lose" the image before this is all over. I know it sounds cryptic, but just give me some time.

The other day I was in the car coming home from a doctor visit. I was lying in the seat and looking out the window when I noticed a tiny handprint on the pane. It was the sticky, candied handprint of my little boy. My heart ached for him as it always does when he is not around. I began to think of him and all his sweet, unique qualities. Something about the quality of this left-behind signature, this ghost print, drew my mind away to thoughts of another child. A laugh, a touch, a smile... all these things I'll never ever know... yet there is the knowledge of the quality, the value, the uniqueness of these things - the reality of the importance of that person, that person I miss so very terribly. We in this family are all haunted by the absense of a child who should be here.

Will people ever see or understand that losing a child via abortion is less about gaining guilt and more about losing a child? The handprint didn't make me think of what a monster I am, it made me think of what a jewel s/he was, a blessing in our lives that is ever, ever gone.

What a waste. What a terrible, morbid cancer abortion is. And America just can't get enough of it.

When our stepping stones are the broken bodies of our children, we will never get anywhere.

:: ashli 10:02 AM # ::
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