I know I'm trying to shift gears over the the weekend thang, but I did have this "healing" commentary on hand, so I'll go ahead and publish it. Dig it fully.
A reader expresses herself (excerpted with permission):
"Mother's Day kills me - I have no children to comfort me and no mother to distract me.
Personally, I have been spiritually, psychologically and physically maimed. 'Healing' might be reaching the point where I am no longer in imminent danger of dying from the trauma. But I am no longer whole, and it cannot be undone. Reminders such as Mother's Day are like picking off the scab to expose the wound again and again. Abortion is an open running sore, and all I hope to gain from healing programs is encouragement to continue to survive and tips on convalescing as comfortably as possible.
I have not had any luck with the healing programs I have tried. Often they seem too busy or unconcerned to even respond to repeated attempts at communication. I have been reluctant to write about it because I'm just plain mad. Plus, I have a dilemma - the group snubbing me is rather important to me and every other woman who had an abortion, so I hesitate to criticize. But why won't these people validate my concerns with some decent communication?
The Silent No More campaign director for my state runs a healing group. I met with her and it went well. At least I thought so. She gave me her number, told me about her healing group (and turned her nose up when I told her I had tried Healing Hearts online). She hugged me before I left, and I was psyched. It was an awesome experience to finally meet some SNM women, and I was looking forward to the group experience, too.
The next day I sent her an email thanking her, yada yada, volunteered whatever skills I have to help with the effort, and enquired about joining the group. I heard NOTHING in reply. To this day, I have not even had the courtesy of an email.
As aforementioned, Healing Hearts' online program was a bust. The problem, once again, has been communication. Through certain personal experiences with this group, I believe that some of my commentary quite possibly veered from the accepted, "scripted" response and was therefore ignored.
I read a post by Emily about post-abortion healing, felt moved by it, gave Healing Hearts another chance, and guess what? It has been over a week since I sent in my honest response to some deeply personal, sensitive questions, and I have heard nothing.
I give up. I really give up. What is up with this lack of response? I am asking for help. I am asking TO help. And I get no reply. ????????? Georgette Forney and I have had some good exchanges, but my local SNM representative has snubbed me. It's really unsettling. Do others have similar complaints?
You have my permission to use anything I have written to you, anonymously or not as you see fit - I no longer care about anyone's opinion of me. I think I know exactly what you mean when you write about fitting in only when you fit the mold they've prepared. I don't fit in myself, apparently.
Thanks for picking up on this subject, and for being honest about the negative experiences, too." ------------------------------
Others actually have expressed similar complaints, and I have them myself, but I've written about that. I think many good things come from these programs, because I've certainly read comments from women who've felt helped or even "healed" by them. However, I think many people are writing me with their negative experiences simply because they feel "allowed" to. And I wouldn't agree that the comments are bashing. There may be a quality of venting, but I think that for the most part people are merely talking about changes they would like to see.
We have a swinging door in our kitchen. One munchkin, who shall remain nameless, nearly tore the thing off its hinges by closing it on the baby gate situated in the doorway. We've been looking at fixing it for nigh on 4 years now. Every now and again it comes up, usually when it's malfunctioning because of the crippled hinge. I admit, we never talk of how often the door does work. We don't pick out all the nice things about the door that aren't broken. We only talk about what needs to be fixed, because what doesn't need to be fixed somehow doesn't command the same attention.
So far, instead of fixing the problem, we've been content just to blaspheme the confounded contraption and move on with our day. Feels a little hypocritical in light of some "other" expectations of mine, no?
Hmmm... All of a sudden, I think I've got a date with "Home d'Pot" this fair weekend.
:: ashli 3:25 PM # ::