:: The S.I.C.L.E. Cell ::

my view from the prison of a SICLE (Self-Imposed Child Loss Experience) due to debilitating maternal disease
:: welcome to The S.I.C.L.E. Cell :: bloghome
SEARCH THE CELL Google Custom Search
| thesiclecell@yahoo.com ::
:: After abortion[>]
:: RealChoice[>]
:: Silent Rain Drops[>]
:: Stanek![>]

:: Friday, September 10, 2004 ::

When I hear the song I lose it. I mean swerve-off-the-road-and-crash-into-a-telephone-pole lose it. OK, maybe I just bawl. But I bawl a whole lot. And it's unpleasant, and awful, and my son asks, "Mommy why are you crying?", and I say, "Oh Mommy's just thinking of something sad, but SAY, can you believe that Spongebob today? THAT Patrick! A riot, I tell ya!" and he's off on another track happily reciting priceless morsels such as "Where's the leak, ma'm?" and "Get a dog, little longie." (Don't watch Spongebob? Then you deserve to be left out of the conversation.)

I don't mean to bawl in front of my son, truly I don't. The song catches me off guard, and I turn it off as fast as I can. I can't listen to it. Not even alone for the purpose of a "good cry". It's too much. Much too much. I never heard it all the way through or even allowed myself to fully comprehend the lyrics until a few minutes ago when it became a subject with a friend, and I found the lyrics. Here they are:

How Could I Ask For More?
Cindy Morgan

There's nothing like the warmth of a summer afternoon
Waking to the sunlight, and being cradled by the moon
Catching fireflies at night
Building castles in the sand
Kissing Mama's face goodnight
Holding Daddy's hand

Thank you Lord, how could I ask for more

Running barefoot through the grass
A little hide and go seek
Being so in love, that you can hardly eat
Dancing in the dark, when there's no one else around
Being bundled 'neath the covers, watching snow
Fall to the ground

Thank you Lord, how could I ask for more

So many things I thought would bring me happiness
Some dreams that are realities today
Such an irony the things that mean the most to me
Are the memories that I've made along the way

So if there's anything I've learned
From this journey I am on
Simple truths will keep you going
Simple love will keep you strong
Cause there are questions without answers
Flames that never die
Heartaches we go through are often blessings in disguise

So thank you Lord, oh thank you Lord
How could I ask for more?

And that's it. That's everything... everything I wanted for my first child. Those were my hopes and dreams for my precious little one. All dashed. All gone. Destroyed.

"Life is real, life is earnest and the grave is not its goal..." (Longfellow)

This life has meaning. Meaning. Would God provide it otherwise?

There are other melodies, but ah, this song...
When I hear the song
I lose it.

:: ashli 11:13 AM # ::

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?