:: The S.I.C.L.E. Cell ::

my view from the prison of a SICLE (Self-Imposed Child Loss Experience) due to debilitating maternal disease
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:: Saturday, July 12, 2008 ::

I have been meaning to write for days now. I have so many observations and thoughts that belong here, but somehow I can't find the time. Or I don't make the time. Sometimes I don't want to make the time. The whole emotional process is odd and follows no predictable course. In the last few years I'm getting more quiet, but the surprising thing is that it seems particularly potent now...so I avoid it. I emoted and emoted for years and then I got quiet. In some ways I said what I needed to say, did what I needed to do...and now I've retreated to lick my wounds, wounds that will last a lifetime, wounds that never heal but only change...a stoma that is clean but unclosed. I don't know. It is what it is, and it sucks.

Anyway, I wrote tonight only to say that at long last I saw Bella. I know I'm coming to this party very late, but better late than never. I still haven't been able to bring myself to see the Passion, so Bella is progress. In the old days I would have written a huge, hopefully interesting post about it. Tonight let me just say that it shook me to the core. It was a beautiful, beautiful message and yet the imagery was traumatic and disturbing. It triggered some sort of post traumatic stress reaction in me, and it'll take me a few days to forget about it and get back to normal. I don't resent it. I care less how I feel and so much more about the truth being told.

Thank you, Bella, for your honesty and for the beautiful truth of your message.

We CAN do better than abortion.

:: ashli 11:02 PM # ::

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