I used to do this monologue for try-outs in theatre. It always knocked 'em dead. Yessir, got many a part with this little gem. Only, I didn't know what I was talking about. Now that I've been "Dusted and Cleaned" it's an entirely different subject, isn't it.
From: The Summer They Stopped Making Ludes or How Taking Peyote Turned Me Into A Coyote by Steven Tanenbaum
Poolside, suburbia - 1970's - Eve (17-20)
When Monique and Eve share memories of their adolescent sexual exploits, Eve reveals that she was pregnant when she was 13.
Eve: I never told anybody. I was only htirteen. Yeah, I'm thirteen years old and I've got to visit the gynecologist so some fat, bald guy can stick his pudgy fingers inside me. The guy fits me for an IUD so I won't ever have to worry again. Right. Next thing I know, I'm in the hospital for a D and C. I'm thirteen years old so what the hell do I know from those kind of things. Like what's a D and C - "Dusting and Cleaning." Yea, "Dusting and Cleaning," I recommend that every woman have her uterine walls scrubbed clean with a scouring pad. Okay, so they put me on the pill whch was great until I became so bloated I started to resemble Marlon Brando in the Godfather - mustache included. So they take me off the pill and give me a diaphragm. A device that was invented to take all spontaneity out of sex. I never know when's the right time to put it in. I mean, half the time I put it in and nothing happens. And it's not till the next day, when I'm talking to someone about the weather that I remember I've still got Mickey Mouse's trampoline stuck up my crotch. Lately, I've dispensed with all the modern forms of contraception. You see, I've developed my own method of birth control: Move to Colorado. I know that all I have to do is get out of here and everything will be all right.
:: ashli 11:07 AM # ::