:: The S.I.C.L.E. Cell ::

my view from the prison of a SICLE (Self-Imposed Child Loss Experience) due to debilitating maternal disease
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:: Thursday, July 21, 2005 ::

A very caring "pro-lifer" just sent me this hoping it would help me.

Once again we see the theme of forgiveness and then "healing".

Perhaps if my only link to my child were guilt I could be "forgiven and set free". But you see... there's that pesky little matter of love.

After all the guilt is gone, my child is still dead and the death was still sanguine. It grieves a mother. I'm terribly sorry if that doesn't sit well with the Hollowell crowd... the crowd that balks at the idea that the mother of an aborted child could feel love for that child.

It's love, love, love that keeps me up at night. The culpability lingers, but the love is bigger, the missing badder.

People who lost children in the 9/11 attacks have no guilt whatsoever to contend with, and yet they still grieve daily, still anguish over the circumstances of a "bad death" happening to someone so very dear to them. I have that, and the cherry of guilt on top. Why would it be easier for me then?

It is something of a challenge dealing ad nauseum with attitudes that can only see abortion in terms of guilt.

My husband and I looked forward to the day we would be holding our child in our arms in a hospital delivery room. Our child was real, came at the perfect time, was loved and wanted by us, etc. All the things that happy parents experience at discovering they are pregnant we experienced. We started that first pregnancy with awe and wonder and love, and I really DO NOT CARE if others dispute that because of the tragic, messed up way it ended. HG does things to a woman. And so does abortion. These things, at least for me, expiation can not heal.

:: ashli 9:41 PM # ::

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