:: The S.I.C.L.E. Cell ::

my view from the prison of a SICLE (Self-Imposed Child Loss Experience) due to debilitating maternal disease
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:: Thursday, July 07, 2005 ::

One response I've gotten from this post is a question as to why I believe that others might be offended at my comparison.

The reason I know that some will be offended is because I once belonged to a group of women who were grieving child loss before birth, and they resented the "h-e-double hockey sticks" out of me. I didn't find this out until someone finally just got sick of the fact that I killed my child, sick enough to just blurt it out... to the basic applause of myriad other members who had been secretly hating and resenting my presence for weeks.

Barbs flew including explanations of why I didn't belong and why I had no right to grieve or claim real love for a child I killed. I was reminded that they would have done "anything" to have their children while I, on the other hand, went out of my way to kill mine.


So this is why I offered up an apology. I have lost a child through no fault of my own (baby #2), and while it was fluffly pink bunny cake compared to the SICLE, I can understand that grieving moms without SICLEs have a unique grief perspective. I imagine that it would be very hard for them to understand any reason for a SICLE much less the love and loss a mom with a SICLE might feel.

I simply want to be sensitive to every type of grieving mom. And in particular, I didn't want Henry's mom to ever stumble upon the post and feel affronted.

It's kind of a common phenomenon when many mothers who miscarry are horrified and furious to find the medical term "abortion" on their medical records. To have their experience even remotely compared to induced abortion is much more than they are willing to tolerate. But the SICLE is a poverty after all.

I don't want to add to anyone's pain.

:: ashli 2:34 PM # ::

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