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my view from the prison of a SICLE (Self-Imposed Child Loss Experience) due to debilitating maternal disease
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:: Friday, April 01, 2005 ::

I know that the thing to do now is to try and let go of bitterness and hostility, to pray for everyone, and to move on. I know these things, but I am angry even so, and I'm going to visit my anger and frustration (over Terri's circumstances) one last time on my way out of this topic.

I had a chance to catch Felos at work in his brief yesterday after Terri died. First, apart from the emotional fodder, I found it curious that Felos kept talking about Terri's right to a dignified, peaceful death experience when his whole justification for death by starvation/dehydration was that she couldn't experience anything. If Terri was in a persistent vegetative state then it wouldn't have mattered to her if her last moments were attended by an order of silent monks or by an order of obnoxious clowns from Barnum and Bailey's circus.

And honestly, I thought Felos had a lot of nerve offering his condolences to Terri's mom, dad and siblings after he fought so hard to kill their child/sister.

I also didn't like his insinuations about Bobby's response to being asked to leave his dying sister's side in what were literally her last minutes of life. It might have been important to Bobby that she have a biological family member present, and words can not express what very poor taste it was to vilify him or blame him for what was probably a somewhat normal response to being completely stripped of any rights as a family member, having his sister legally killed, and then being denied last moments with her. (Really, I'm surprised none of them went postal.)

Felos insinuated that had Bobby's behavior been better, or even for that matter, had Fr. Pavone's comments to the media been nicer (rolling eyes), perhaps Terri's family would have been allowed in the room as she slipped away from life. I dare say, I find such comments cruel and untrue, as the media had been reporting for over a week that Mike had no intention of allowing the Schindlers to be at Terri's side upon her death. It seems to me that Felos is a grand opportunist who used the Bobby and Pavone incidents to lay blame with the Schindlers, and words can not express how awful that is.

Felos made lots of statements that I found absurd and emotionally abusive, and I think anyone who wants to know more about this man's credibility and his passionate love affair with death should read excerpts from his book Litigation as Spiritual Practice:

“As I continued to stay beside Mrs. Browning at her nursing home bed, I felt my mind relax and my weight sink into the ground. I began to feel light-headed as I became more reposed. Although feeling like I could drift into sleep, I also experienced a sense of heightened awareness. As Mrs. Browning lay motionless before my gaze, I suddenly heard a loud, deep moan and scream and wondered if the nursing home personnel heard it and would respond to the unfortunate resident. In the next moment, as this cry of pain and torment continued, I realized it was Mrs. Browning. I felt the mid-section of my body open and noticed a strange quality to the light in the room. I sensed her soul in agony. As she screamed I heard her say, in confusion, ‘Why am I still here … why am I here?’ My soul touched hers and in some way I communicated that she was still locked in her body. I promised I would do everything in my power to gain the release her soul cried for. With that the screaming immediately stopped. I felt like I was back in my head again, the room resumed its normal appearance, and Mrs. Browning, as she had throughout this experience, lay silent.” (73)

Enamoured with his waxing celebrity status he writes:

“I was getting pretty good at trying my case in the media and shaping public opinion. … Developing a good ‘sound bite’ helped, but so did the media’s support of the cause. Some of my best quotes appeared on the editorial pages.” (238)


“…there I was on the holiday news—Mrs. Browning’s white knight, stalwart at his covered desk, intently crafting her plea of last hope to the Supreme Court. Did I love it! And given the strenuous effort, I much appreciated the positive reinforcement.” (242)

Thoughts on separating from his wife:

"I was on fire, fueled by thoughts of bludgeoning and tearing her apart." (pg 23)

I don't know a lot about Felos and the people he has "helped to die". Someone tell me... have they all been women?

In related news...

Mike Schiavo's brother says the rift between Mike and Terri's family might be healed if the Schindler family would only apologize for their less than favorable response to Mike killing their daughter/sister.

Stop the world, I want to get off.

:: ashli 8:47 AM # ::

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