:: The S.I.C.L.E. Cell ::

my view from the prison of a SICLE (Self-Imposed Child Loss Experience) due to debilitating maternal disease
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:: Monday, April 18, 2005 ::

An email with permission:

"Dear Ashli,

I can't even pretend to know what you've been through (and are still going through), especially with people "compassionately" telling you to Get OverIt. I guess it's human nature to pass judgment on another person and go so far as to tell them "If you keep picking at that thing, it's never gonna heal." As if it would anyway.

I'm not sure how I got to your blog, and I don't think it matters much anyway. I've been reading through it for hours now, learning new things, and looking at things from a different perspective. See, I was one of those non-vocal "It's a woman's right to choose," and"I'm pro-choice, but I would NEVER--" You probably hear from them all the time.

When my best friend became pregnant (the situation was complicated, I guess, in the way that moments of complete and utter hedonism tend to get), she KNEW she couldn't have another kid. See, she had no job and no money...oh sure, she had family that was extremely supportive of her either way, but see, her son from a previous relationship, well, he's an only child and she couldn't burden him with a little brother or sister in good conscience. I bit my tongue because I love her unconditionally and I support a Woman's Right to Choose, yo.

Reading through your blog, I realize I don't have such a good grip on a Woman's Right to Choose. My Choice happened to be giving birth to both my kids (the oldest was a surprise, and I probably would have made the same choice to carry her if I had known before her birth that she'd be autistic). Of course, my man and I couldn't afford her while he was working part time, making $500 a month, with $300 of it going to rent. We stuck it out, and thank God we did.

I don't have a point to this, only to tell you that I can't say I would NEVER have an abortion... I just haven't been put into a situation serious enough to think I warrant, nay, deserve one. I've been lucky. I can't say I wouldn't, because I've never been through anything as serious as HG. Things change when we're under torture, LITERAL torture, and I can't blame you for what you did.

As for the people who tell you to hurry up and get on with your life, I doubt they're walking in your shoes. I've read the I'm Not Sorry stories (the ones I could stand to, anyway), and if they're the picture of emotional health, I worry for the world. Hooray for them not being sorry, but will they be sorry later? Will they be able to look their children they might have in the future in the eye and say the same thing? Will they have as much bravado if little Johnny or Susie asks them about it, or will they go to great lengths to keep their kids from finding out?

Our reaction toward the termination of our unborn, our smallest, our most defenseless, seems to be a direct representation of how we feel about all human beings. I used to think of Norma McCorvey as a turncoat, publicity-hungry, yellow brain-washed by the moral majority. Maybe she is, but now I'm not so sure.

I read about Partial-birth abortions (Myths! Lies! Urban Legends!) being performed on babies born with cleft palates. Why? Oh, right, the inconvenience of having to walk a tiny kid through dozens of surgeries. You know, it's better off that children are never born with any kind of defect at all. I wish someone would tell me eugenics is dead. I dare them.

I started at the top of your blog, and I'm about a third through, I guess.Things do happen for a reason, although rationalizing it that way isn't a comfort in any circumstance. I myself am comforted by the way you've walked a few young women away from the pain that haunts you. The way you've comforted them and helped them. The way your insights have helped me change my mind. Do what you can and love your boy and girl and keep up the good work, sister.

I wish I could offer more."

Awww... shucks, ma'am.

:: ashli 3:26 PM # ::

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