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my view from the prison of a SICLE (Self-Imposed Child Loss Experience) due to debilitating maternal disease
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:: Tuesday, March 15, 2005 ::

Julie, at Silent Rain Drops, has an excellent post about incrementally coming out of denial. She quotes a grieving father:

“He won't be lying on the grass by the tent at night looking at the starry sky and saying, ‘What's that one called, Dad?’ Because there was no room on the Earth for Thomas. He's dead.”

Julie concludes:

"Abortion is all of the things I have said it is. It is abuse. It is the most violent action taken against women in thousands of years of human existence. It is the destruction of fatherhood. It is a punishment for those who live in poverty. But above all of these things, I must remember that abortion – my choice - killed an innocent human being who had every right to be born, and who had every right to expect me to see to it that he was. I am his mother. There was more than enough room for him on earth, but he is dead."

It chokes me up. The nasal sting signifies the letdown of coming tears. The lump in my throat expands in an effort to cut them off. I hold my breath. I realize that even now I am in denial. "My child is dead." Like walking into a steel pole, it's a major intrusion. BOING! "Oh yeah... It happened." It's really, really real.

Suck it up. Suck it up and hold it in. Because dinner needs to be made, two living children need to be bathed and life, like a wave, rolls over death and sorrow with the sweet numbness of its myriad demands.

Denial... it saves my life daily.

:: ashli 5:48 PM # ::

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