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my view from the prison of a SICLE (Self-Imposed Child Loss Experience) due to debilitating maternal disease
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:: Thursday, March 03, 2005 ::

I kind of went monkeynuts in the comment section on Ambivablogger's numero dos. What can I say? I told you people I'm frickin' exhausted!


Preface: Ambi's whole thing is that the key to undoing abortion is that we've got to make it culturally unacceptable... to the devil with making it illegal. (She aborted her own child in the first trimester and, although grieving, feels that first trimester abortion is acceptable... unlike abortion after that magical point.) My whole thing, on the other hand, is that we can't send a "cultural" message while keeping it legal. It's like I said before:

"we can't promote [the idea] that abortion is an horrific abuse of civil rights while at the same time keeping it legal. it would make us barbarians: 'killing a child is a bad, bad thing... but we allow it.'"

It just doesn't make sense, and I said so, albeit kind of incoherently, in Ambi's comment section (which I haven't checked and probably won't, because I don't have time to answer what is sure to be an impressive barrage of electric orange flames).

So Ambi writes and tells me I'm absurd when I reason that the legality of abortion says it's a good thing. At least not as bad as rape. she also says that my kind of "abortion is bad" absolutism won't appeal to many "pro-choicers". I mull it all over and respond:

"been thinkin about it and it WAS kinda dumb to say abortion is GOOD if it's legal. heehee! what i suppose i meant was it's "moral". at least, it's more moral than rape... or rape is clearly a bad thing or worse than abortion, because it is illegal. abortion is legal so it's at least more tolerable than rape. rape, the government sends the message, is a bad, bad thing that will NOT be tolerated... but abortion? well, hey... you gotta do what you gotta do. nevermind that you're victimizing someone else. do NOT cloud the issue with facts.

am i making myself any more clear than before? sigh... it's late and i'm always tired anymore. sigh again...

i was very, VERY much in support of abortion for 25 years. so much so that i had bumper stickers, attended rallies at my abortion-loving church, and aborted my own child in the second trimester (what you might consider more reprehensible than your own first trimester loss... yours occurring, afterall, in the "acceptable" time range).

there was nothing anyone ever could have told me that would have changed my mind i think. i talked to quite a few people about it. i thought as you think: it's ok in the first trimester, but after that... we'll something should certainly be done to prohibit that.

now i'm not making commentary on you here, but my reason didn't have anything to do with a child attaching him/herself to the uterine lining or any such rationalization. to me that's just inconsequential. no, the cut and dry of it was that it was ok in the first trimester because that type of person was small. walnut-small. him/herself inconsequential. in short: i didn't care. just a little more serious than squishing a bug. more like killing a mouse. the kid would be better off. that sort of thing. oh, I'D never do it, no. but you know, screw you if you wanted to. i'd even hold your hand from start to finish. what a gal i was! WHAT-A-GAL!

nope, you can't say anything to some people. there is no turn of phrase, no harvard strategy, no cunning that will ever, ever change a hardened heart, a mind made up. sometimes a person has to be changed from the inside out. and for me, that happened when an abortionist and i tore what was inside of me out.


i had to lose everything to find out.

some people do."

And even reprinting it, here at nearly 1 A.M., I'm thinking I'm still not conveying my thoughts properly. Of course I'm not saying abortion is good or moral. I'm making commentary on the message the government sends by making it legal and keeping it that way no matter what evidence exists to support the humanity of the gestating.

The legality of abortion is cruel nonsense. I can't even believe I live in an era where I have to argue that it's not cool to kill a growing child. But apparently this is the Twilight Zone, and I'm stuck in it for the duration.

:: ashli 12:20 PM # ::

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