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my view from the prison of a SICLE (Self-Imposed Child Loss Experience) due to debilitating maternal disease
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:: Thursday, September 11, 2003 ::

Yesterday I received a copy of the National Right To Life News. On page two there's an encouraging (if not entirely accurate) editorial on the "pro-choice" movement and how "Laughably Out of Touch" they are.

The writer claims that young people know that a quarter of their peers are missing because of abortion. They know that abortion contradicts the concepts of liberty, justice and equality for all. They know that abortion is an "acid" that eats through family ties. And, according to the author, they also know that abortion "can and does have a devastating impact on young women, women whose wounds many times never heal."

What's that? A "pro-lifer" acknowledging that many times women do not heal from wounds caused by abortion? You won't hear this type of revelation coming from most in the "post-abortion healing" arena. In fact, it's an idea that is frowned upon.

Some groups are so busy trying to present "healing" to a woman that they sacrifice the validity of her feelings. "Women whose wounds many times never heal"? Not acceptable. Suppress that information.

Read a couple of abortion-related grief books. You will quickly notice that, aside from the token suicide, everyone miraculously heals. Watch any number of the "post-abortion" videos. Tears form rivers but everyone is "healed". You won't hear from one single woman who says:

"Abortion killed my child and devastated my life. I've been through every post-abortion program I know of and nearly a decade later I still cry weekly, I think about it every single day, it affects my relationship with my husband, children and other family members, it has not been entirely possible for me to forgive myself or many of the people involved, I sometimes still wish I was dead, I am haunted by dreams and mental images related to abortion, I do not have inner peace, the world is not as it was, the laughter is a thin veneer atop miles of bitter sadness, a light has gone out, my child and my innocence are gone forever, and I can not get over it or 'heal' simply because it would be good for a movement or even because it would be good for me and all who know me. Still somehow, I breathe and move each day. It's tough, and perhaps it's not really 'living', but I have managed to exist thusfar. Though, compared to my former life, it's a hated, hated existence. I may be a better person for knowing what I now know, but emotionally, I feel ruined for all time."

You will never, ever, ever hear that woman's voice in any of the Hallmarky, feel-good, happy ending, post-abortion books, videos, television panels, heal-a-thons. That voice is "bad" for the "heal-or-else" movement, and that voice is silenced.

It is interesting to me that when "pro-lifers" are trying to deter women from aborting -or- trying to educate the public on the powerful negatives of abortion, they don't seem to have a problem acknowledging that abortion causes wounds that "many times never heal." However, when "pro-lifers" are dealing with grieving women who feel that they will never heal, that concept is surprisingly nowhere to be found.

That abortion would cause an individual woman to suffer irreparable emotional harm may be "ugly", but it's the truth nonetheless.

It's curious that in all the heated conversations I've had with "pro-lifers" who've pressed or demanded that I "heal", for the good of myself, the good of others or because of my belief in Jesus Christ, none of them have ever imposed the same standard on my cervix, which was also permanently damaged by abortion.

But I suppose the cervix is concrete while emotional life is abstract and so one is more real than the other. I.e, it is not so hard to imagine fixing something that may be looked upon as somewhat imaginary itself.

When my cervix remains obliterated, no one accuses me of wallowing in self pity or of not loving Christ enough or of not wanting to heal. No one attempts to suppress that information, yet the emotional component of the SICLE does not receive such unquestioned regard.

It is only seven years after losing a child in a "therapeutic" second-trimester abortion that I finally see in print a "pro-lifer" acknowledging that some women never heal. At reading the words, I feel somewhat relieved, allowed to be who I am and permitted to have my own perspective without being a defective disappointment to the people I most identify with. But this moment will only last until the next conversation, book, video, article, program.

"Laughably Out of Touch" is used in the National Right To Life editorial to describe the "pro-choice" movement, but I sometimes wonder if the same can not be said for certain factions of the "pro-life" movement.

:: ashli 9:14 AM # ::

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