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my view from the prison of a SICLE (Self-Imposed Child Loss Experience) due to debilitating maternal disease
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:: Saturday, September 20, 2003 ::

Yesterday Emily discussed the "be happy or I'll kill you" attitude of parents who have aborted some of their children but not others. It's so true.

A common theme I hear from women who abort children (and are "fine" with it) is that everything they do from there on out will lead to some extraordinary financial (or other) accomplishment. They themselves are bound and determined to "be happy or die". Often they will express an idea like: "My abortion taught me that it's all about me; I sacrificed too much not to live an exceptional life."

I think this concept is often extended to surviving children. Any related disappointment might threaten the protective facade of "The abortion was necessary, because look how good my life/the life of my other child is now because I did it."

Exceptional accomplishment and perfection must exist as a buffer. The idea is: "I/my other child would never have been able to have this kind of life if I hadn't aborted." It's a perfect Linus blanket to drag around through the years, as it justifies and consoles the mother who seeks to remove herself from as much abortion-related pain as possible.

Forget the fact that no amount of money or success can match the value of a child. Being "sensible" and not emotional is desirable when it enables a person to circumvent a degree of grief. However thinking with the head alone and not any heart denies the whole person, who is neither all head nor all heart but a combination of the two.

"Be happy or I'll kill you" may in fact translate into "Be happy or I killed my other child for nothing." And that is too much for many moms to bear.

:: ashli 8:34 PM # ::

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