"There are many many...anything, really, with a melancholy strum or that takes me back to an innocent and safe point in childhood. Those childhood memories remind me that my child has been robbed of innocent memories of his own. He was never safe and he will never know my/his world. So stupid shit like "I've Been to Paradise", or "Both Sides Now" Joni Mitchell, Helen Reddy, the Carpenters, or the damned Coke song "I'd Like To Teach the World to Sing". I remember the things I was doing when these songs imprinted on me...sitting in a beanbag with my brother mesmerizing over his blacklight posters and listening to his records. This makes me sad to know I've destroyed a lifetime of these memories for someone else. So if it is important enough to be a strong link to my past, it is also reminds me of my dead baby.
Followed up by anything reminding me of the wonders of prepubescence...the songs that really transport memories from milestones and firsts, even if they have nothing to do with babies or loss at all...Margaritaville, Brown Eyed Girl, Have You Ever Seen the Rain?.
"Yesterday" Beatles
"How Did You find me Here?" David Wilcox
The universal "I will remember you"."
Awright, people. I'm right in the middle of a hellacious health crisis, so I probably won't be blogging much for a while. Take it easy. Hang in there. Until this is over, pray, pray, pray for me.
