:: The S.I.C.L.E. Cell ::

my view from the prison of a SICLE (Self-Imposed Child Loss Experience) due to debilitating maternal disease
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:: Monday, March 03, 2003 ::

Someone sent me a copy of something called the Pro-Life Action News. In it I found this excerpt:

"Early this month, a woman called our St. Paul office and told us she had been to the Midwest abortion center the day before and had changed her mind. Goin in, she was conflicted about the abortion and was hesitant about taking the information from the sidewalk counselor. But she did decide to take it and she and her boyfriend were bothered by the photos of abortion. She took some of the information in with her when she went in for her ultrasound. The abortion worker took it away from her, said, 'It's all lies,' and threw it away. We include a note with our literature, encouraging the woman to look at her ultrasound. This woman did ask to see her ultrasound (it wasn't offered) and she was amazed to see even her baby's lips (she was almost 15 weeks pregnant). Before leaving the ultrasound room, she retrieved our literature from the trash. She talked to her boyfriend more and they decied to let their baby live!"

Hmmmmm... my child was exactly the same age. I wonder how life would be today if I had seen the ultrasound. Maybe the image would have shouted me out of my deep, ailing sleep and afforded me the strength to stand up and fight my horrific disease for the sake of a child I had otherwise lost sight of.

My first pregnancy was torture, but at least it had an end and was for a good cause. Now my torment is bottomless, and no matter how I struggle, my battle will not save the life of my first child. Our tragedy has helped others and I hope to help many more, but there is very little personal glory in the day to day mellay of simply living a life that used to fit easily and without pinching. I would trade every humanitarian effort, every life positively affected for the one life of my first child. Oh to have seen the ultrasound... oh to have walked the both of us away from that building and back to the fightable fight.

(actual 4D ultrasound image)


:: ashli 11:38 AM # ::

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