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my view from the prison of a SICLE (Self-Imposed Child Loss Experience) due to debilitating maternal disease
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:: Saturday, November 06, 2004 ::

Where have I been this last week? Why no blog? 4 more years and not a peep from the raving anti-abortionist? What is up with me?


In-law troubles. Hijacks my attention. Grrr.

Lemme vent. Lemme try and sort things out on pixel. Maybe I will learn something about myself, my feelings and what my response should be.

Get some hot chocolate. Pull up a chair. Settle in. Here we go.

On my husband's birthday we went to the in-law's. I left early to get the children to bed on time. Hubby stayed to chat for five minutes in the yard. Evidently minutes turned into over an hour of Ashli Bashing. This is a sport for which my uber "religious" in-laws are zealous. "Happy birthday, Son. Over an hour of defending your wife."

Bringing up abortion and the disdain for my activism (which hasn't been so active lately), this Kerry-voting Mom and Dad informed their son that abortion is a woman's choice between her doctor and "her god". The son tried to educate the parents on the second-trimester loss of their grandchild. He reminded them of my incompetent cervix (and resulting bedrest I most recently endured) and told them about my lingering emotional distress and nightmares. They said there's no proof that my incompetent cervix was caused by the second-trimester, non-laminaria, "5-minute" abortion and that as far as my hurt feelings are concerned, I need to read a self-help book and get over it already.

Planned parenthood, NARAL, and NOW would be proud. Perhaps when my father-in-law retires he can move to Kansas and get a cush job "blessing" the aborted babies and revearing "choice" at George Tiller's fine infant-murdering establishment.

Lest we forget what my father-in-law, the preacher, is unaware of:
the man has more aborted grandchildren than living grandchildren.
(His youngest daughter has aborted two of her children.)

My husband reminded the "man of god" who raised him, "When Ashli was suffering in the hospital, you sat by her bed and told her that she could abort, everyone would understand, and that she could do what she 'had to do'. If she had listened to you your granddaughter would be DEAD right now!"

My husband was compelled to confront them with his feelings of abandonment during the first pregnancy. His horrified, angry mother informed him that she "knew" I wouldn't listen to her so she just didn't say or try to do anything. "What would have been the point with someone like Ashli? It was her choice. She did it." No abandonment there.

My husband told her that everyone plays their part when a child dies in an abortion and that she couldn't blame me for her own lack of effort. (Apparently, the preacher and his wife are not inclined to consider the book of Isaiah. For those not in the know, God tells Isaiah to warn Israel of their wrong-doing and to try and persuade them to turn from their evil ways... BUT there's a catch... no one will listen. He sends the guy on a mission that Isaiah KNOWS will fail! But that's not the point. The point is, Isaiah tried. He did what he was supposed to do regardless of the black and white fact that no one would listen.)

On and on for over an hour the stinging barbs flew as my husband pleaded for his parents to love his wife, the mother of his children. The culpability always belonged to me, never to the son, the age-old perspective. Things I did or said or didn't do or say months and even years ago, came bubbling to the surface and spilling over onto the birthday boy, in the name of Jesus, amen, until finally my father-in-law's attentions turned to some aggrivator at work or down the street and what a "fool" he was... to which my husband opined, "You should pray for the man, Dad, instead of standing around idly calling him a fool."

Evidently, I'm not the only one with in-law problems. Take a gander at this. Children complicate the issue.

In the past we have noticed that our son comes back from the preacher's house with foul words on his lips (crap this, crap that, "Grandpa said it!") and violent descriptions of melting faces and beating hearts being ripped out of people's chests (Raders of the Lost Ark). They send him back thusly, without boundaries, with poor behavior, and then say it is not proper for a boy of six to even know the word "abortion". They say it should not be spoken in the presence of a child. They scold that it is not proper to know that tummy tots need protection from a thing that can wrongly threaten them. Before you agree, consider...

The in-laws think it is OK for my son to go to Sunday school and see the Master hanging on the cross, blood pouring from his head, side, hands and feet, as nails and thorns stick out graphically depicting his murder by man. It is OK to know that Jesus was born in a manger because His folks were on the run from an evil king who wanted Him dead and so killed all the boy babies. It is OK to watch the Ten Commandments and see the soldier's sword dripping with a baby's blood over his cradel as his mother clings like a deadened zombie to a nearby wall. These things are OK to the preacher because, seemingly, they are only stories that happened ages ago, and their purpose is to make us feel thankful and happy. They are removed, not dangerous. Abortion, however, is too close. It is here, it is now, it is in our family, and it carries no sweet moral that persuades us to feel good or happy or thankful. Abortion is not their issue, it should not be my issue, and it should never, never ever be an issue to my children. Not, that is, until they're old enough to understand that killing an innocent, defenseless child is a choice between a woman, her physician and "her god"... by which point, they may already know, sorrowfully, much more about abortion than I ever taught them.

Well, at least my in-laws practice what they preach. These liberals did not make of it an issue to their liberal children. Their youngest child aborted two children and their middle child lost one in a second-trimester abortion. We see the fruit non-issues bear. It is rotten and leads to sorrow and death, and we reject this for our own children. It must stop here. Right here and right now.

Visits with Grandma and Grandpa have been limited and visits alone have been eliminated entirely. Their words and actions only confirm the necessity of this. These loving parents (who never waste breath on "stubborn" people) warned their son that his children will run as far from us as they can, just as soon as they can, because we are "smothering" them. Bear in mind that his youngest daughter related that during her youth God was not really alive in her life because her preacher father followed Christ on Sunday while the rest of the week was up for grabs. She moved five hours away from her parents. The older daughter moved 3 or 4 days away. The son, my conservative, now-God-fearing husband who is "smothering" his children, is the only one that has stayed near his parents.

We are confident in Deut. 11:19-21 and Prov. 22:6. We have learned not to buy into fear, and our instruction was costly. We are done abandoning our children to a world of death. We will not strive to satisfy society's desire for them or for us. We will walk out of step. We will be set apart. This will aggrivate my in-laws until scales are removed and they can see fit to serve the Lord of their lips, the Lord of their Sundays.

And oh how we will pray, for us and for them, for no one is perfect in himself, everyone needs strength to love and obey, and coming together is the right thing to do.

:: ashli 10:12 AM # ::

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