:: The S.I.C.L.E. Cell ::

my view from the prison of a SICLE (Self-Imposed Child Loss Experience) due to debilitating maternal disease
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:: Tuesday, November 30, 2004 ::

I got an email today... the mom with cancer died this morning. A relative was holding her hand and reading to her from Psalms. Her children, including the one she refused to kill and gave her very life for, do not understand.

I'm really not ok with this.
I wanted the happy ending.
I wanted it on my terms.
I wanted it now.
Right now.

Once again, I didn't get what I wanted.
I'd throw a tantrum if it would help.
But it wouldn't, so instead I slump in my chair and cry.

No matter what...
no matter what
Mother made the right choice.
The beauty and honor of it bring me to my knees.

A healthy child will live and love and laugh
because Mother loved
in truth and selflessness
Mother loved
like a lion
a lion gone
to be with the Lamb.

This Christmas please remember the grieving children of a mother who was too good for this world.

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:: ashli 4:08 PM # ::

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