:: The S.I.C.L.E. Cell ::

:: Wednesday, June 27, 2007 ::

"Whose fault is it when aborting women die? It depends, according to abortion proponents. If the abortion was illegal, [prolifers] are. If the abortion was legal, [the aborting woman] is."

I freaking love Jill.

:: ashli 5:43 PM # ::
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For those whose pain is complicated and isolating...

"'Everybody says the worst thing that could ever happen is the death of a child,'" says Janette Fennell, the advocacy group's founder and president. 'What's different in these, in over 70 percent of the cases, it's a direct relative of the child that's behind the wheel--mom or dad, grandma or grandpa, aunt or uncle."'

Losing a child, compounded by unimaginable guilt over who was responsible for the accident, leaves families traumatized and immobilized in their grief. With no easy answers for why it happened to their child or their family, anger and blame often are misdirected. The strain on relationships can be tremendous."

I know I'm not allowed to claim that my family's emotional experience is this exactly. But it is. It's this and more, because, although the death was unwanted, it was arranged. It was asked for. It was paid for. And so I'm told I have no right to the evolved feelings of a "good" parent, an innocent parent, like a parent who is unintentionally the source of her child's death. Indeed, the concept of this very post, a parallel, will boil the blood of some who read it.

The idea is that my love is inferior so what could I possibly know of it? To what depth could I possibly feel love, much less the sting of the death and loss of it? How could it be complicated when in all simplicity I am the basest progeny-eating animal?

I can only suggest that either I break the rules or they don't apply. Could it be more complex than "inferior love?"

I'm contemplative because I've had an unusually interesting influx of correspondence and chatter of late, seeming to be destined for experiences outside the usual human realm. Would that I was a dull figure carved of some unfeeling material but I'm not. Would that eyes wore marble cataracts but they don't. I see and feel.

And when I don't make excuses for myself I am called a self-flagellator.
When I don't make excuses for myself people make them for me.
When I don't make excuses for myself my excuses are not good enough.
When I don't make excuses for myself I'm responsible.

When I reject abortion people use my case to argue for it.
When I reject abortion people say it was the best I could do.
When I reject abortion I am hated for past participation.
When I reject abortion it is rational.

If I ask for mercy it will come with a price.
If I ask for mercy it will not be understood.
If I ask for mercy it will not be given.
If I ask for mercy I find it true.

Is any of that plain? Does the turning screw really need more leverage? Is there another point of view I haven't considered or been subjected to?

What then?

I guess what I'm trying to say is that parents who mourn lost children, parents who regret their contribution, are being met with mainstream concern. But those of us who are stunned by the bewildering pain and regret of the abortion-related deaths of our children find no such general consideration, nor do we find a (mainstream) willing analysis of the psychic/emotional experience. We can't. For society would have to determine us mentally incompetent for mourning make-believe children or society would have to recognize real children who are being killed by their own parents because we as a nation have said it's acceptable and ingrained it as truth and freedom, good things, among our people. The former is impossible, and we will not soon find relief in waiting for the latter. Where then does our help come from?

Look and we will find a God Who hears us. Search and discover those few people who really are genuinely His. While they might not be able to bring public awareness to what we are going through, they will walk through it with us. And that is no small thing.

:: ashli 4:26 PM # ::
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Ohio recognizes Jesse Davis' 9-month-gestated fetus as a full-blown person, thank you very much.

(Shhhh, Ohio! America is sleeping.)

:: ashli 7:02 PM # ::
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For my bestest pal in the whole wide blogosphere
(you know who you are!):

:: ashli 1:26 AM # ::
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I was an abortion advocate for 25 years. I carried a sign like this poor girl (and a bumber sticker that said, "If you don't like abortion, don't have one.") Also like her, I talked the talk and refused to go deeper than "it's a woman's right," because what was under that layer was dark and ugly and I knew it. Going there would complicate the issue.

My signs, my flawed reason, my weak debate, my advocacy...none of it ever helped anyone. But it hurt a lot of people. I thought that ultimately I was helping, I really did. I thought I was fighting the good fight for a "necessary sorrow..."

When I watch this young lady I realize that she is also only trying to help, but she is wrong. How do we tell her in a way that will reach her? Or does her child have to die in an abortion too before she will catch a glimmer of the pathology of "choice." What love, what truth will rouse her from her slumber before it is too late for her or someone she knows?

:: ashli 10:12 AM # ::
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Ono! Yoko would have aborted her Beautiful Boy!













Thankfully the talented Sean Lennon was born...and on his famous dad's 35th birthday.

"Yoko Ono Tells of Last Night with Lennon

By Associated Press

LONDON - John Lennon was shot and killed outside his New York City apartment after deciding he wanted to return home to see his son rather than go out for dinner, Yoko Ono said in an interview broadcast Sunday.

'We were returning from the studio, and I said: "Should we go and have dinner before we go home?" and John was saying, "No, lets go home because I want to see Sean before he goes to sleep." And it was like he wasn't sure if we would get home before he (Sean) went to sleep and he was concerned about that.'

Ono, 74, the wife of the late Beatle, made the comment on "Desert Island Discs," the British Broadcasting Corp. radio program that interviews famous people and plays their favorite songs.

She said Lennon uttered no dying words when he was shot and killed by deranged fan Mark Chapman outside their Dakota apartment building in Manhattan on Dec. 8, 1980.

Ono also said that when she became pregnant with Sean shortly after the couple reunited in 1975 following a two-year separation, she let Lennon decide whether she should have the baby or abort it.

"I thought that I should let John decide whether to keep it or not. We'd just got back together and I became pregnant very soon, and I didn't know if it was the right moment to have a child. I just didn't want to burden him with something he didn't want," Ono said.

The songs Ono played on Sunday's show included Lennon's 'Beautiful Boy' (about Sean); 'Liverpool Lou,' which was written by Scaffold, a Liverpool group that included Paul McCartney's brother, and 'Magic,' a song composed by Sean."

My mother told me she would have aborted me if it had been legal here in 1971. I believe her, because she aborted the child that came after me when it was legal in 1980. I have to say I'm glad I'm here. I wonder how Sean feels about his "brush" with abortion. Perhaps he's so immersed in the liberal world of the entertainment elite that it doesn't phase him at all. And maybe, like his dad, he's even got some aborted children himself.

What a strange world it is...when we are nonchalant about the matter of killing our children. What Ono doesn't say with clarifiers is said by the power of Sean's existence. I'm glad John said yes to Sean; I'm glad he gave him life.

:: ashli 10:22 AM # ::
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